It's been about 6 months since my last post. I feel that life never slows down, it just speeds up. I'm trying to cherish these days while my girls are still little, and that requires my attention almost 100% on them. No time for blogging. My girls are active. Oldest in theater and gymnastics and the twins are in their own separate activities (one in gymnastics and one in dance). I feel lucky that I can be home with them, but I'm running around half the time.
School starts tomorrow for the twins. This year I decided to keep them together for preschool. Last year was crazy...driving from one school to the next and praying that the weather or other circumstance wouldn't slow me down for drop-offs and pick-ups.
S just got potty-trained 3 weeks ago. Yes, she's 4 years 7 months old, but she had the most difficult time pooping on the potty. I swear I'm not a bad mom. I potty trained her twin and older sisters just fine. I tried many potty-training methods for S. Some days I didn't try anything at all. Some days I was exhausted and really didn't want to try. Finally, one day it clicked...by doing nothing much at all. She knew she had to go while we were swimming at the pool and I said "let's do this girl" while we walked to the restroom. THANK GOODNESS she didn't give up and just poop in the pool. She pooped in that pool restroom and I was one proud mommy...even if she made me wait longer for this moment than I had hoped to.
I struggle daily being a mom, but if there's one thing I know I do right--my girls know I love them more than anything in this world.
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
And Just Like That, They Are Four!
I always thought time slowed down during the winter. Well, not THIS winter! From November 2015 until now, I am really not sure what happened...we were just busy. In January, we celebrated the twins' 4th birthday. We just had a small party with the grandparents, Aunt Meghan and the cousins. They loved their party, especially the presents and cake.
I can't believe how much they've changed in the past year. Matilda is 4 going on 14. She really catches on to her older sister's behavior and attitude (which isn't always a good thing). I have to say that she is well-behaved for the most part, and she really does listen to me. She's like my sidekick most of the week since she's only in preschool 2 days a week (unlike Sera who goes 5 days/week). I take her everywhere and she doesn't seem to mind. Don't get me wrong, she has her moments where she's like a typically 4 year old, but that tends to happen when she's around her sisters or when it's time for bed (and she's over-tired). She loves swimming, and she can now go under water and pick up rings at the bottom of the pool. I'm amazed how much more comfortable she is in the water compared to 4 months ago. She decided to quit dance for the new year and take gymnastics with Sera instead. After 3 classes, the instructor says she's ready for the next level. She's a fast learner. DH is trying to teach her how to play the piano and guitar. She really shows an interest in music. She's still shy around people she doesn't know well, but once she's comfortable with someone, she will not stop talking. She loves wearing dresses...pretty much everyday! Her favorite color is pink.
Sera is so different than Matilda in so many ways. I love that they are different and have their own personalities. I feel like Sera will always be young at heart. She's so carefree and happy. She doesn't like to be told what to do and sometimes, it's her way or the highway! She is persistent and demanding. Her preschool TA's joked that when she is older and in a relationship, she will wear the pants in the relationship. It's so true! She seems to like gymnastics, especially now that Matilda takes the class the with her. (As much as they argue and fight, they really do like each other and enjoy being around each other...at least, I like to think so!) Sera's speech is taking off...I think going to preschool 5 days a week with speech therapy has really helped her. She's become more independent because Matilda isn't at school to talk for her. She loves to sing in the car--it's so darn cute! She loves wearing her "kitty" leggings and her favorite color is blue.
Today, they had their 4 year old well-checks. They are both growing well and healthy. Matilda was 42 inches tall and 38 lbs while Sera was 40 inches tall and 40 lbs. Matilda had to have a urine test (I've been worried about her thirst and constant potty trips). Both girls had their first blood tests. I have to admit I was a little nervous because back in November, Sera had a crying tantrum about the flu mist up her nose. She thought it was the worst thing--2 nurses had to hold her down to give it to her! So, I warned the phlebotomist today that Sera was a feisty one and that she better go first because if she saw Matilda cry, it would be over! Sera went first and surprised us all. She looked at what the phlebotomist was doing the entire time. No flinching, no crying, no "ouch." She even smiled as if she enjoyed having blood drawn from her. She is one of a kind. She made a liar out of me. Matilda went next, and she didn't enjoy it as much. She kept saying it hurt, but she didn't cry. I was so proud of my brave girls. My ten year old would have been a different story...she would have cried like a baby.
It's never a dull moment with these girls. It's almost midnight here, and Matilda has already gotten up once for the potty and fell out of bed within the last hour. Falling out of the bed was a first for her. They are full of surprises, and they always keeping me on my toes! I wouldn't have it any other way, though.
I love love love them!
I can't believe how much they've changed in the past year. Matilda is 4 going on 14. She really catches on to her older sister's behavior and attitude (which isn't always a good thing). I have to say that she is well-behaved for the most part, and she really does listen to me. She's like my sidekick most of the week since she's only in preschool 2 days a week (unlike Sera who goes 5 days/week). I take her everywhere and she doesn't seem to mind. Don't get me wrong, she has her moments where she's like a typically 4 year old, but that tends to happen when she's around her sisters or when it's time for bed (and she's over-tired). She loves swimming, and she can now go under water and pick up rings at the bottom of the pool. I'm amazed how much more comfortable she is in the water compared to 4 months ago. She decided to quit dance for the new year and take gymnastics with Sera instead. After 3 classes, the instructor says she's ready for the next level. She's a fast learner. DH is trying to teach her how to play the piano and guitar. She really shows an interest in music. She's still shy around people she doesn't know well, but once she's comfortable with someone, she will not stop talking. She loves wearing dresses...pretty much everyday! Her favorite color is pink.
Sera is so different than Matilda in so many ways. I love that they are different and have their own personalities. I feel like Sera will always be young at heart. She's so carefree and happy. She doesn't like to be told what to do and sometimes, it's her way or the highway! She is persistent and demanding. Her preschool TA's joked that when she is older and in a relationship, she will wear the pants in the relationship. It's so true! She seems to like gymnastics, especially now that Matilda takes the class the with her. (As much as they argue and fight, they really do like each other and enjoy being around each other...at least, I like to think so!) Sera's speech is taking off...I think going to preschool 5 days a week with speech therapy has really helped her. She's become more independent because Matilda isn't at school to talk for her. She loves to sing in the car--it's so darn cute! She loves wearing her "kitty" leggings and her favorite color is blue.
Today, they had their 4 year old well-checks. They are both growing well and healthy. Matilda was 42 inches tall and 38 lbs while Sera was 40 inches tall and 40 lbs. Matilda had to have a urine test (I've been worried about her thirst and constant potty trips). Both girls had their first blood tests. I have to admit I was a little nervous because back in November, Sera had a crying tantrum about the flu mist up her nose. She thought it was the worst thing--2 nurses had to hold her down to give it to her! So, I warned the phlebotomist today that Sera was a feisty one and that she better go first because if she saw Matilda cry, it would be over! Sera went first and surprised us all. She looked at what the phlebotomist was doing the entire time. No flinching, no crying, no "ouch." She even smiled as if she enjoyed having blood drawn from her. She is one of a kind. She made a liar out of me. Matilda went next, and she didn't enjoy it as much. She kept saying it hurt, but she didn't cry. I was so proud of my brave girls. My ten year old would have been a different story...she would have cried like a baby.
It's never a dull moment with these girls. It's almost midnight here, and Matilda has already gotten up once for the potty and fell out of bed within the last hour. Falling out of the bed was a first for her. They are full of surprises, and they always keeping me on my toes! I wouldn't have it any other way, though.
I love love love them!
Friday, October 2, 2015
A Good Week...Surprisingly
Last weekend, DH and I took our first long weekend trip to St. Louis for a wedding...without the girls. We traveled by airplane and were gone for 2 nights. I was expecting lots of anxiety and worry on my part. However, I was alright. Of course, I missed the girls like crazy, but I have to admit it was nice eating a breakfast being able to carry on an adult conversation without interruptions. I checked in via text messages with my Mom throughout the days, which really put my mind at ease. My Mom reported that the girls were doing fine, and I knew they were. I just liked the reassurance every couple hours. Overall, it was a great trip and we all survived...even my 69 year old Mom! (She would laugh at that comment).
With playdates, school, dance class, gymnastics class and swim lessons, I seemed to keep on schedule this week and not forget anything overly important. Ironically, I think I do better with time management, the busier I am. I'm crazy like that! Haha.
School went great this week...I don't remember any of the girls complaining about going there. Just my oldest who said she wanted to stay home because she was going to miss me. When she got home on Monday from school, I asked if she missed me. She shrugs and says, "not really." She loves some drama on Monday morning for me.
Today was Matilda's first swim lesson EVER! She's my shy, soft-spoken one, and I thought for sure that she would have a difficult time getting in the pool without me. She was still shy and soft-spoken with her swim instructor, but she seemed confident and even smiled through her 30 minute lesson. I was shocked. My little girl is becoming more independent day by day.
And Sera had a great week of expanding her vocabulary. She's saying 3 sentence words more consistently. "Please hold me." "Pack lunch please." She rattled off several new words this week and did very well repeating words that I said to her. Pronunciation isn't always perfect, but she's trying.
I'm amazed at these girls everyday. They keep life interesting and full of surprises!
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Finally...The First Day of Preschool
My oldest and Sera have been going to preschool for almost 3 weeks now. Matilda was waiting patiently and kept asking when does she go to her school. Today was her day. She was pretty excited, but I knew when we got there she wouldn't want to leave my side. She's always been my shy, clingy one. Luckily for her, this preschool has a parent stay the entire time for the first day. (Definitely doesn't feel like a first day to me...more like an orientation). Matilda had to stay within 3 feet of me at all times.
It was a great morning, nonetheless. She has a great teacher and assistant. She's only going 2 times a week for 2.5 hours, which is probably good since she likes to be my sidekick the majority of the time.
Why different schools for my twins? Definitely not my ideal situation, but I had to do what I felt was best for Sera. With her speech delay, she was able to sign up with the county preschool and receive her speech therapy while at school. It's great for her and she really excels in this type of situation. On her first day almost 3 weeks ago, it felt like just another day of school. She was eager to go--in fact, she was up early that morning. She woke me up and told me she needed to "pack" (her snack). She's excited to be around other kids. Ironically, she's an angel at school while she drives me bananas at home. Like I mentioned on my last post, she will push every one of my buttons daily. However, at the end of the day, she'll give me the biggest hug.
I tried to get Matilda into Sera's school, for they do take "role model" students (that's what they call them), which are basically kids that are not on an IEP. Unfortunately I was one month too late signing her up, so I was on a waiting list for her to be a "role model." #9 on the list. :( So, that's why my twins go to different schools. They are so different and independent of each other that I don't think it bothers them. In fact, I think they tend to play more together at home now that they don't see each other as much. Sera is in school 5 days a week for 2.5 hours. I feel like half my morning is spent in the car driving, but as long as they are happy, I'm happy.
Matilda will have her first day of preschool next week without me, so we'll see how that goes. Most likely, she'll have some tears--which usually gets me a little emotional.
Monday, September 14, 2015
I'm Back!
Seriously, I am not good at this blogging/writing thing! I feel like everyday is just constant motion and little time for me to sit down and write. I just filed 2014 taxes if that tells you anything!
Maybe I should write less in one post and write more frequently. I mean, can I take 10-15 minutes out of my day to write a blog post?! I'm going to try it. Not everyday. At least once a week.
So, what prompted today's post, you might ask...or maybe no one is following this anymore. That's okay too. This can be for me only. :)
Proud Mommy moment. I haven't really cried in awhile...hormones must be in check lately. However, today I let it out.
Sera, who is my more challenging daughter--always getting into trouble, climbing on counters to reach candy, taking her sister's things and running off with them (taunting "haha, haha"), helping herself to whatever she feels like, doesn't take "no" for an answer, still not potty-trained, and able to press every single one of my buttons within a day--made me cry tears of happiness today.
Long story short: she met this little girl who is about 5 (Sera is only 3.5 now) through school this past summer. This little girl is severely handicapped. I'm not sure what disability she has, but I know she is bound to a wheelchair, can't talk, and seems to lack muscular function. Sera has talked about her on several occasions, and she tells me how she doesn't see "Kate" anymore. Well, today I was walking Sera into the school and she saw Kate right away in the lobby. Sera ran ahead of me and gave the biggest hug she could give to Kate. It was one of those sweet moments I will cherish forever. Right away, tears formed in my eyes and I thought what a special little girl I have. I have never seen another child make any contact with Kate at school, and here's my sweet girl showing love.
And, if that wasn't enough...one of the little girls in her preschool class was having a rough time at "drop off" today. What did Sera do? She hugged her. It's nothing she thinks about; she just does it. She's the most caring 3 year old I have ever seen and I can't believe she's my daughter.
Needless to say, I balled like a baby when I got to the car. My daughter touches my heart and she makes me so proud. While I do believe your environment, your parents, your peers shape who you become, I truly believe Sera has a little bit of extra kindness in her soul.
Maybe I should write less in one post and write more frequently. I mean, can I take 10-15 minutes out of my day to write a blog post?! I'm going to try it. Not everyday. At least once a week.
So, what prompted today's post, you might ask...or maybe no one is following this anymore. That's okay too. This can be for me only. :)
Proud Mommy moment. I haven't really cried in awhile...hormones must be in check lately. However, today I let it out.
Sera, who is my more challenging daughter--always getting into trouble, climbing on counters to reach candy, taking her sister's things and running off with them (taunting "haha, haha"), helping herself to whatever she feels like, doesn't take "no" for an answer, still not potty-trained, and able to press every single one of my buttons within a day--made me cry tears of happiness today.
Long story short: she met this little girl who is about 5 (Sera is only 3.5 now) through school this past summer. This little girl is severely handicapped. I'm not sure what disability she has, but I know she is bound to a wheelchair, can't talk, and seems to lack muscular function. Sera has talked about her on several occasions, and she tells me how she doesn't see "Kate" anymore. Well, today I was walking Sera into the school and she saw Kate right away in the lobby. Sera ran ahead of me and gave the biggest hug she could give to Kate. It was one of those sweet moments I will cherish forever. Right away, tears formed in my eyes and I thought what a special little girl I have. I have never seen another child make any contact with Kate at school, and here's my sweet girl showing love.
And, if that wasn't enough...one of the little girls in her preschool class was having a rough time at "drop off" today. What did Sera do? She hugged her. It's nothing she thinks about; she just does it. She's the most caring 3 year old I have ever seen and I can't believe she's my daughter.
Needless to say, I balled like a baby when I got to the car. My daughter touches my heart and she makes me so proud. While I do believe your environment, your parents, your peers shape who you become, I truly believe Sera has a little bit of extra kindness in her soul.
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Premature Ovarian Failure...Still Here
(This post was written a month ago--rambling emotions put in writing--I blame it on the POF! Ha!)
Yep, I still have Premature Ovarian Failure (or should I say Primary Ovarian Insufficiency). I rather call it the first because the "Failure" part just seems more appropriate in my opinion. My ovaries are not working...they are failing or have failed. It's been 10 years now since my diagnosis, yet I can still remember that day like yesterday. I remember the doctor (who I haven't seen since that day). I remember the words that broke my heart. I remember thinking my life would never be the same. I remember that day as the first time I ever heard of "egg donation."
Yep, I still have Premature Ovarian Failure (or should I say Primary Ovarian Insufficiency). I rather call it the first because the "Failure" part just seems more appropriate in my opinion. My ovaries are not working...they are failing or have failed. It's been 10 years now since my diagnosis, yet I can still remember that day like yesterday. I remember the doctor (who I haven't seen since that day). I remember the words that broke my heart. I remember thinking my life would never be the same. I remember that day as the first time I ever heard of "egg donation."
My heart was definitely hurt that day and little did I know, my life would never be the same...but in a good way. While at the time, I thought "egg donation" sounded strange...and scary in so many ways. In fact, I didn't even see it as an option until 5 years later. Crazy that it only took time and some mending of my heart to see that maybe using an egg donor was the answer.
It was the answer for us--though we didn't see it that way 10 years ago. I remember thinking that I was going to try everything in my power to conceive naturally, which ironically I made some significant lifestyle changes (diet, supplements, acupuncture) and did conceive naturally. And that was 3 months after having an FSH of 85 and estradiol levels of 0. Thankfully, we had our healthy baby girl and everything in the world was wonderful. Still had to take HRT because POF was there...but now I had a child who really took my focus away from POF.
A couple years go by, POF re-surfaced. How are we going to grow our family? Naturally conceiving was definitely not happening this time around. POF was in its same state...slight visibility of one ovary but the other was not even seen. Egg donation came up again...so did adoption. We looked into adoption, but when it came down to the 2 options, I really wanted to be pregnant again. Finding an egg donor became our mission and when we found one, we were so happy and relieved to start the process. Unfortunately, that DE/IVF cycle was unsuccessful, and we spent our savings to make it happen. That was it--we couldn't afford another cycle.
While I don't find myself to be extremely lucky, I do at times feel like someone is watching over me. When the doctor met with us over our failed cycle, as he told us that he was disappointed, I never imagined that he would tell us he wanted to give us a 2nd cycle at no charge. While I thank our egg donor for our beautiful twin girls, I thank our doctor as well. POF is definitely not in the forefront of my mind at that time.
A year goes by since our girls' birth and I start to notice my cycles changing while on my HRT. They are getting heavier and longer. Darn you POF...I start to worry. Why are my cycles changing?! Same HRT but different outcome. Six months go by and I decide to tell my OB/GYN. She has another doctor check into it further with an ultrasound. This doctor is clueless about POF. He's saying my lining is too thick especially since I have POF. My doctor was not too worried because I am on HRT which produces a lining similar to someone who has a normal hormone balance. She decides to perform a biopsy on my uterus. Everything checked out fine. Doctor suggests lowering my estradiol dose. Ugghhh, really?!? That dose was making me feel good. We lower it...still heavy long periods. I give up.
Now this month (after almost 2 years of heavy long periods), I have a fairly light period! Nothing really changed in the last month, so I'm not sure why the change. Still on HRT (1/2 estradiol dose for the last year, still on Provera), still have POF. While we are done having children, my focus is to keep me healthy for my children. I want to do what's best for my body, but I'm not sure what's best when it comes to POF. POF is still here. It never left...my focus just changed throughout the last 10 years.
Saturday, March 7, 2015
How Do I Sum Up a Year?!
It's been far too long since I wrote a post. It makes me somewhat sad, for so much has happened in the last year. Along with no blogging, I haven't kept up with my scrapbooking. The only documentation I have is TOO MANY photos on my computer that need to be consolidated and eventually printed. I keep saying things will slow down, but I feel like every year gets busier and busier.
Most importantly, we are all doing great. I love being at home with the girls, but they definitely keep me on my toes. Sera and Matilda turned the big THREE on January 2nd, and my oldest daughter turned NINE on January 29th. We kept their birthday celebrations small. My 9 year old had a sleepover with two of her friends, and they had a blast, staying up until 4am!!! Seriously, I couldn't stay up that late even if I tried. We celebrated the twins' birthday with a birthday dinner at the their favorite restaurant Applebee's. Sera ordered chicken fingers and applesauce, and Matilda ordered mac n cheese and broccoli. Of course, cake and presents at home followed.
In February, Sera and Matilda had their 3 year check up. It was confirmed that they are growing too fast! Matilda was in the 98th percentile for height (almost 40 in tall!) and 34 lbs. Sera was shorter by an inch and a half and out weighed her sister by 2 pounds. Sera has seemed to develop eczema this winter, but otherwise, both girls are healthy...and happy! :)
Before their 3rd birthdays, we decided to take a family vacation to Disney World in December. It was by far our favorite and best family vacation yet! We loved it so much that we want to go again in December 2015. It was a relaxing time for us. With DH always working and I'm always trying to stay on top of things at home, it was nice to not have to worry about day-to-day tasks that we normally do. I think our happiness just poured onto all the girls--I've never seen them so happy. They giggled like crazy on the Tomorrowland People Movers ride (at the Magic Kingdom), which I never would have guessed that they would enjoy it that much. Another favorite was the Honey I Shrunk the Kids playground at Hollywood Studios. They could have spent the whole day there.
Sera and Matilda started a one day a week "school" in the Fall. There were a some cries at drop-off for the first couple weeks, but they love it now, especially Matilda. We continued with gymnastics class, but once we switched gyms, Matilda no longer wants to go. While Sera does gymnastics class, Matilda hangs with me in the waiting room. I was hoping they would do the same activities (at least until they were in school full-time), but it looks like they are already showing their individuality and they have less dependence on each other than I thought. I think it's great, though. They are definitely their own person, so why not have different interests?
We took a vacation to Myrtle Beach in May, but we decided to drive. I could have done without the drive. Haha. The girls would probably agree. They don't do well sitting for long periods of time--can you blame them? I was going stir-crazy in the car as well! We won't do another road trip vacation until they are a few years older or maybe break up the trip, so we aren't driving 10 or more hours straight. After this vacation, I needed a vacation from my vacation! (which is probably why we took the Disney vacation later in the year)
Overall, 2014 was a good year for us. We are always staying busy and the girls make sure I am always busy! Matilda is more independent while Sera likes to be near me or try to help me. Or if I don't give Sera all the attention she wants, she makes sure that she gains it in some way. She can be a stinker, but she is the sweetest Mommy's girl. :)
I'd like to write more this year...that will be my goal.
Most importantly, we are all doing great. I love being at home with the girls, but they definitely keep me on my toes. Sera and Matilda turned the big THREE on January 2nd, and my oldest daughter turned NINE on January 29th. We kept their birthday celebrations small. My 9 year old had a sleepover with two of her friends, and they had a blast, staying up until 4am!!! Seriously, I couldn't stay up that late even if I tried. We celebrated the twins' birthday with a birthday dinner at the their favorite restaurant Applebee's. Sera ordered chicken fingers and applesauce, and Matilda ordered mac n cheese and broccoli. Of course, cake and presents at home followed.
In February, Sera and Matilda had their 3 year check up. It was confirmed that they are growing too fast! Matilda was in the 98th percentile for height (almost 40 in tall!) and 34 lbs. Sera was shorter by an inch and a half and out weighed her sister by 2 pounds. Sera has seemed to develop eczema this winter, but otherwise, both girls are healthy...and happy! :)
Before their 3rd birthdays, we decided to take a family vacation to Disney World in December. It was by far our favorite and best family vacation yet! We loved it so much that we want to go again in December 2015. It was a relaxing time for us. With DH always working and I'm always trying to stay on top of things at home, it was nice to not have to worry about day-to-day tasks that we normally do. I think our happiness just poured onto all the girls--I've never seen them so happy. They giggled like crazy on the Tomorrowland People Movers ride (at the Magic Kingdom), which I never would have guessed that they would enjoy it that much. Another favorite was the Honey I Shrunk the Kids playground at Hollywood Studios. They could have spent the whole day there.
Sera and Matilda started a one day a week "school" in the Fall. There were a some cries at drop-off for the first couple weeks, but they love it now, especially Matilda. We continued with gymnastics class, but once we switched gyms, Matilda no longer wants to go. While Sera does gymnastics class, Matilda hangs with me in the waiting room. I was hoping they would do the same activities (at least until they were in school full-time), but it looks like they are already showing their individuality and they have less dependence on each other than I thought. I think it's great, though. They are definitely their own person, so why not have different interests?
We took a vacation to Myrtle Beach in May, but we decided to drive. I could have done without the drive. Haha. The girls would probably agree. They don't do well sitting for long periods of time--can you blame them? I was going stir-crazy in the car as well! We won't do another road trip vacation until they are a few years older or maybe break up the trip, so we aren't driving 10 or more hours straight. After this vacation, I needed a vacation from my vacation! (which is probably why we took the Disney vacation later in the year)
Overall, 2014 was a good year for us. We are always staying busy and the girls make sure I am always busy! Matilda is more independent while Sera likes to be near me or try to help me. Or if I don't give Sera all the attention she wants, she makes sure that she gains it in some way. She can be a stinker, but she is the sweetest Mommy's girl. :)
I'd like to write more this year...that will be my goal.
Myrtle Beach - May 2014
Monday, February 10, 2014
The Big Decision
I want to start by saying...this post is for me. I want to write how I'm feeling and come to grips with the decision we made. If I offend anyone, I apologize, but we are all entitled to making our own decisions that ultimately affect our own lives. Clearly, it wasn't an easy decision.
At the start of the new year, we received a bill from our clinic...I knew it would eventually come and I'm actually amazed it didn't come sooner. Our cycle was in May 2011 and we finally were billed a storage fee for our 6 leftover embryos. It was $400. Not a huge number, but enough where I felt we needed to make a decision--either we pay the fee and cycle soon or we complete the disposition form and consider our family complete. I definitely didn't want to make this decision, especially now. I felt I wasn't ready to decide. But maybe I wasn't ready to decide because I really didn't want to come to the conclusion that our family was complete. It seemed so final. Were we done building our family?
DH and I talked it over. It wasn't a long discussion but to the point. DH said if I wanted to try for another child, he was on board with it. But he agreed, we should cycle soon again (within 6 months) if we were going to grow our family, for I'm turning (gulp) 37 this month. Definitely not getting any younger. Of course, DH asked if I wanted to go through rounds of injections again. Yes and no. For a child, I would do it again but no, I really didn't want to put my body through it again. (This would be my 3rd round--let's not forget about my first failed cycle). It's different when one gets pregnant naturally. I'm almost positive I'd have 4 or 5 kids by now if I could conceive babies naturally.
I asked DH what he wanted to do...did he want to do another cycle? Did he want another child? His response really made me think, for at this point, I wanted another child. I wanted 4 children. I wanted an even amount of children. (silly I know) These aren't his exact words, but these are the main ideas: He's extremely happy with our three beautiful girls. We have been blessed with healthy children. Another child would take attention away from our 3 girls--who truly demand a lot of attention from both of us. I prefer to focus our attention on what we have, but if you want to try for another child, I will support you and we can make it happen.
Geez, I hate when DH makes sense and brings me back down from my dreamy cloud. I kept thinking, 'he's right--we need to focus on what we have--bring all our attention and energies to our 3 girls. Our family is complete.' DH also said if God wishes, he will bless us with another baby on his terms. (Well, I'm pretty sure that isn't happening again--but, yes DH is right--anything is possible).
For the next couple days, I went back and forth...I hated having to make this decision. I felt like it was MY decision, for DH was supportive either way. This decision was more difficult (for me) than our decision to have children through an egg donor, in the first place. Then, I kept thinking, WHAT IF's. What if, I went through a cycle and it failed. I would be heartbroken and mad--mad that I put my body through more drugs--mad that the cycle would take attention away from my girls--and all for nothing. Mad that I spent more money on a failed cycle--money that I could be saving towards my girls' educations. And what if the cycle worked, I would be excited but nervous--would the pregnancy affect my girls' current needs? I couldn't snuggle on the rocking chair with them both in my arms with a big belly. And once the baby arrived, my attention would be shifted towards their baby sister or brother--how would my girls' feel about it? I know these seem like silly thoughts, but they are true thoughts that came to my mind. I know people have babies within 2 years of each other, but I wonder if they have similar thoughts. I was looking at every angle of the situation...the analytical part of me was in full force.
(Some thoughts on POF were deleted here. I chose not include them--maybe for another post...)
In the meantime, I got another bill...had another month passed? A month of thinking, of questioning, of trying to make sense of what to do with our frozen embryos. Why was this so difficult? A part of me really wanted another baby, and I knew I had enough love to give to another baby. I kept thinking of our girls. It was becoming apparent that I wanted to focus on our 3 girls--they are my (and DH's) main priority.
We signed the disposition form. We are done having more children. The finality of it makes me sad. I'm sure I'll have a follow up post to this, but this was our big decision...or should I say my big decision? In my heart, I think we made the right choice for our family and that's all that should matter.
At the start of the new year, we received a bill from our clinic...I knew it would eventually come and I'm actually amazed it didn't come sooner. Our cycle was in May 2011 and we finally were billed a storage fee for our 6 leftover embryos. It was $400. Not a huge number, but enough where I felt we needed to make a decision--either we pay the fee and cycle soon or we complete the disposition form and consider our family complete. I definitely didn't want to make this decision, especially now. I felt I wasn't ready to decide. But maybe I wasn't ready to decide because I really didn't want to come to the conclusion that our family was complete. It seemed so final. Were we done building our family?
DH and I talked it over. It wasn't a long discussion but to the point. DH said if I wanted to try for another child, he was on board with it. But he agreed, we should cycle soon again (within 6 months) if we were going to grow our family, for I'm turning (gulp) 37 this month. Definitely not getting any younger. Of course, DH asked if I wanted to go through rounds of injections again. Yes and no. For a child, I would do it again but no, I really didn't want to put my body through it again. (This would be my 3rd round--let's not forget about my first failed cycle). It's different when one gets pregnant naturally. I'm almost positive I'd have 4 or 5 kids by now if I could conceive babies naturally.
I asked DH what he wanted to do...did he want to do another cycle? Did he want another child? His response really made me think, for at this point, I wanted another child. I wanted 4 children. I wanted an even amount of children. (silly I know) These aren't his exact words, but these are the main ideas: He's extremely happy with our three beautiful girls. We have been blessed with healthy children. Another child would take attention away from our 3 girls--who truly demand a lot of attention from both of us. I prefer to focus our attention on what we have, but if you want to try for another child, I will support you and we can make it happen.
Geez, I hate when DH makes sense and brings me back down from my dreamy cloud. I kept thinking, 'he's right--we need to focus on what we have--bring all our attention and energies to our 3 girls. Our family is complete.' DH also said if God wishes, he will bless us with another baby on his terms. (Well, I'm pretty sure that isn't happening again--but, yes DH is right--anything is possible).
For the next couple days, I went back and forth...I hated having to make this decision. I felt like it was MY decision, for DH was supportive either way. This decision was more difficult (for me) than our decision to have children through an egg donor, in the first place. Then, I kept thinking, WHAT IF's. What if, I went through a cycle and it failed. I would be heartbroken and mad--mad that I put my body through more drugs--mad that the cycle would take attention away from my girls--and all for nothing. Mad that I spent more money on a failed cycle--money that I could be saving towards my girls' educations. And what if the cycle worked, I would be excited but nervous--would the pregnancy affect my girls' current needs? I couldn't snuggle on the rocking chair with them both in my arms with a big belly. And once the baby arrived, my attention would be shifted towards their baby sister or brother--how would my girls' feel about it? I know these seem like silly thoughts, but they are true thoughts that came to my mind. I know people have babies within 2 years of each other, but I wonder if they have similar thoughts. I was looking at every angle of the situation...the analytical part of me was in full force.
(Some thoughts on POF were deleted here. I chose not include them--maybe for another post...)
In the meantime, I got another bill...had another month passed? A month of thinking, of questioning, of trying to make sense of what to do with our frozen embryos. Why was this so difficult? A part of me really wanted another baby, and I knew I had enough love to give to another baby. I kept thinking of our girls. It was becoming apparent that I wanted to focus on our 3 girls--they are my (and DH's) main priority.
We signed the disposition form. We are done having more children. The finality of it makes me sad. I'm sure I'll have a follow up post to this, but this was our big decision...or should I say my big decision? In my heart, I think we made the right choice for our family and that's all that should matter.
Friday, January 24, 2014
2 Year Check Up
The girls had their 2 year check up on January 15th. Surprisingly, they were more fearful of stepping on the scale and getting their height measured than they were of their shot. Go figure! Silly girls! Sera cried for a few seconds after shot. As I was holding Matilda down for her shot, I asked the nurse, "are you done yet?" She was already done and not a word or flinch from Matilda. I couldn't believe it. Anyway, here's a little update on them:
Weight/Height: Sera is 35 inches and a solid 30 pounds, and Matilda is 36 inches and 28 pounds. They are both in the higher percentile for height...Matilda is at 98th percentile. We've actually met 3 year olds who are shorter than her.
Eating: They love to eat!!! More so than my almost 8 year old. Breakfast usually consists of cereal and fruit, sometimes eggs as well. They love to snack because it means they get to eat more frequently.
Foods They Like: Since they love to eat, they like a lot of foods. They also aren't as picky as my almost 8 year old. Meats, cheeses, cereals, fruits and vegetables--they eat it all! Matilda tends to enjoy more meats while Sera tends to enjoy more breads. They LOVE fruit snacks now. I have to limit them to 2 packets/day or they'll eat them like candy, which is probably what they really are...candy, not fruit.
Foods They Don't: They still do not drink milk--haven't been much of a milk drinker since they were off the bottle. (My oldest was the same way and still is). Matilda does not like olives; however Sera will eat them (she's the only one in the entire family). :)
Favorite Things To Do: Dance and spin around and make themselves dizzy! :) They play with their zoo animals, klip klop princess horses, Little People Disney princesses and their castle, and they love their kitchen and old-time diner with lots of play food. They love to go on car rides and run errands--going into stores and having freedom to roam (which doesn't happen unless I have an extra hand). They enjoy playing with their big sister and driving her nuts as well! (haha) Group hugs are fun, too. A new favorite thing is gymnastics--they love to jump!
Dislikes: They go in phases--sometimes they dislike baths, other times they are ok with them. They don't always like to share which I'm sure is difficult for any kid at this age, but I think it's more difficult when you constantly have someone the same age trying to take things away from you day in and out. They don't like to share Mommy and Daddy sometimes, which makes my heart break sometimes. I want to hold them both, but they are getting too big for me to hold both in my arms for extended periods of time. They don't typically like bedtime--they want to play all day long!
Their Accomplishments: They constantly amaze me. Matilda has dialed 911 from my phone twice, so she is no longer allowed to touch my phone. They climb up slanted climbing walls at gymnastics. They are doing things in their gymnastics class that they wouldn't do within the first couple weeks. They make Mommy coffee with their play mug and coffee pot in the morning--so cute! They love to count to three--we do that a lot through the day. Matilda is singing her ABC's with a little help and sings lullabies at night with me.
Communication: Sera is still a little behind in speaking...she talks, but we don't always understand her. I might have mentioned this before, but our oldest daughter was the same way. She didn't really talk until she was 3, and she has never been developmentally slow at school. In fact, she is one of the best students in math in her class. My oldest is never at a loss for words either. So, we'll watch Sera, but I am hoping she'll take off with her verbal communications soon. Matilda is the opposite of the spectrum--she's probably beyond a 2 year old vocabulary. She puts several words together and communicates quite well with us and her big sister. She often talks for Sera as well. It's quite cute when Sera calls for Matilda (which doesn't sound like her name at all) and Matilda will answer to it.
Teeth: I think they both have about 14 teeth each. 8 on the bottom and 6 on the top.
Sleep: Well, sleep hasn't been the best lately. I think I got more sleep their first year and a half. Matilda wakes usually one to three times a night. Sometimes, with a soaked diaper, pj's and crib! I have even tried to limit her water intake at night and she still wakes up soaked. I can't figure it out. Occasionally she will sleep through the night, and typically those nights, either Sera or my oldest daughter will wake. Seriously?!? They must talk and figure out who gets to wake the parents EVERY night. I kid you not, and if it's not the kids, it's DH's snoring. This Mommy hopes to get a solid 8 hours of sleep one day. When Sera wakes (which isn't too often), it appears she's having a nightmare or something. She's scared with a racing heart and usually just holding her a minute will calm her down. They are fighting naps, but I put them down regardless. I try to put them down for a nap around 1pm...sometimes, they just talk and jump in their crib. Right now, as I type this, they are talking upstairs and it's 1:39pm...fighting a nap again!
Looking forward to: SLEEP...when will they BOTH sleep through the night again?!?
Favorite Memories: I love taking them to gymnastics. It's exhausting for me--Mommy and me class, but it's Mommy and two 2 year olds for me. :) I love seeing them catch onto new skills and they thoroughly love jumping on the trampoline. Sera giggles as she jumps. In general, I love our time together...playing, singing and laughing. This is such a fun (and yes exhausting) age!
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Newly Two Year Olds
With the New Year, we also celebrated our sweet girls' 2nd birthday. We were happy to escape any flu/cold bug during the Christmas/holiday season (last year was awful with the twins and me down with the flu). The girls' actual birthday was great; however, the following day, Sera must have caught a stomach bug. For the next 5 days, my poor girl was sick to her stomach with not so lovely diarrhea. That's my excuse for this late post. (She's was almost 100% better today...thank goodness!)
Anyway, here are my two year olds! They were difficult as usual for photos but every now and then, they'd look at the camera--sometimes smile, sometimes not. I love these girls like crazy and am so happy to be their Mommy.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Are we done yet?
This is a topic of recent conversations between DH and me. Are we done trying to expand our family? We have 3 healthy, beautiful girls who we love like crazy. Our family feels complete, I think.
If we didn't have SIX frozen embryos from our DE cycle, I'd say we were done. We definitely don't want to go through another fresh DE cycle. For starters, the cost is more than we can handle. But we have six embryos left and the cost of a frozen embryo cycle is significantly less expensive. Do we try for another sibling and even out our "odd-number" family? If the embryos don't make the thaw, at least we could say we tried and we do get refunded the cycle costs (minus $150).
Infertility sucks even when you have children. Let's say I didn't have Premature Ovarian Insufficiency/Failure. Would we try for another baby? Both DH and I agree on this--of course, we would try for one more. First, it's fun trying to have another (when you know you can actually conceive another). Second, there's minimal costs (no medications needed, no cycle fee, etc). Third, if you're fertile, you don't have to be disappointed with the time, money and heartache that an IVF cycle can put you through...to only have no baby in the end. :( So, yes, infertility sucks even when you have children. Going through another cycle is a reminder that my body is broken in the embryo-making department.
So, the question is: do we go through a frozen embryo cycle? Especially knowing that the success rate isn't as high as a fresh cycle. The thought of injections and pumping my body of estrogen again is not very appealing.
I don't know the answer right now. I'm sure DH would say let's be happy with what we have now...which I'm sure many would agree. But what about our remaining embryos??? Here's a chance at another child that if I was not infertile we would definitely want.
I'm looking for a sign...something that jumps out at me and gives me the direction I need on this decision. I'm feeling lost. Please don't get me wrong, I love my family as it is, but if there's a chance for another, do you leap forward and embrace the opportunity? Or do you donate the embryos to science (which is our decision if we don't use them) and hopefully be at peace with the decision you made?
If we didn't have SIX frozen embryos from our DE cycle, I'd say we were done. We definitely don't want to go through another fresh DE cycle. For starters, the cost is more than we can handle. But we have six embryos left and the cost of a frozen embryo cycle is significantly less expensive. Do we try for another sibling and even out our "odd-number" family? If the embryos don't make the thaw, at least we could say we tried and we do get refunded the cycle costs (minus $150).
Infertility sucks even when you have children. Let's say I didn't have Premature Ovarian Insufficiency/Failure. Would we try for another baby? Both DH and I agree on this--of course, we would try for one more. First, it's fun trying to have another (when you know you can actually conceive another). Second, there's minimal costs (no medications needed, no cycle fee, etc). Third, if you're fertile, you don't have to be disappointed with the time, money and heartache that an IVF cycle can put you through...to only have no baby in the end. :( So, yes, infertility sucks even when you have children. Going through another cycle is a reminder that my body is broken in the embryo-making department.
So, the question is: do we go through a frozen embryo cycle? Especially knowing that the success rate isn't as high as a fresh cycle. The thought of injections and pumping my body of estrogen again is not very appealing.
I don't know the answer right now. I'm sure DH would say let's be happy with what we have now...which I'm sure many would agree. But what about our remaining embryos??? Here's a chance at another child that if I was not infertile we would definitely want.
I'm looking for a sign...something that jumps out at me and gives me the direction I need on this decision. I'm feeling lost. Please don't get me wrong, I love my family as it is, but if there's a chance for another, do you leap forward and embrace the opportunity? Or do you donate the embryos to science (which is our decision if we don't use them) and hopefully be at peace with the decision you made?
Monday, July 15, 2013
18 Month Update
The girls just had their 18 month check up today and they did awesome. No shots today, so I'm sure they were happy about that. I was definitely happy about it...no screaming or crying. My older daughter came with us, which was a first. She kept wanting to tell the doctor facts about the girls. (i.e. Matilda likes to give me hugs, Sera doesn't suck her fingers, she sucks her THUMB, etc.) Just a little background on my 7 year old: she didn't talk much when she was young. I swear she only said a few words at 2 and I did get a little worried when she was 3 and I really couldn't understand her. At 7, this girl can TALK. Sometimes, I can't get her to stop talking and her vocabulary is amazing. Who would have thought?!? Ok, back to the twins...one thing is for sure: THEY ARE GROWING!
Weight/Height: Sera is 32.5 inches, 25 lbs even and Matilda is 34.5 inches, 25 lbs even. This is a first where they are actually the same weight exactly. I think Sera's head was half an inch larger.
Eating: We been switching meal time around a bit due to their naps. They eat breakfast in the morning and then have an early lunch/snack at 11am. They will eat again after their nap and have dinner around 5/5:30pm. They always seem to have appetites. If they see us eat, they typically have to eat. They also want to eat what we are eating.
Foods They Like: FRUIT (peaches, raspberries, strawberries, grapes, blueberries) is their favorite. However, cantaloupe and melon didn't go over well. Eggo frozen blueberry waffles--sometimes they'll even it them frozen. Cinnamon graham crackers, oatmeal squares cereal, sausage, goldfish crackers, green beans, mac n cheese--to name a few well-liked foods.
Foods They Don't: Lately, they haven't been liking chicken. They are okay with breaded chicken, but they don't seem to like chicken that is grilled or marinated. They will try it and have a couple pieces, but they won't finish what's on their plates.
Favorite Things To Do: Two months ago, I bought a used Little Tikes climber that was in excellent condition and they've been playing on it daily. They climb up the slide part. Sera goes head first down the slide and Matilda sits up with feet first down the slide. They like to play with electronics (i.e. phones, blu-ray player, sister's ipod, tv remote controllers). Music is still a favorite. Matilda often sings with me at night. They like to open kitchen drawers, slam drawers, move chairs across rooms, climb kitchen chairs to get on the table, and pull at anything in their reach. Typical toddler right?!
Dislikes: They dislike being hungry and tired. They will probably never outgrow that (I know I haven't!) They are not interested in tv. Occasionally, they'll see their big sister watching tv and they might watch for 2 minutes. They don't like to share much, so they often fight over toys (or Mommy). Not a big fan of going to bed. They don't like Mommy or Daddy telling them not to do something--especially when Daddy says it. Mommy must be a pushover. (haha)
Their Accomplishments: This is difficult to document. They are accomplishing things daily, so it feels like it. Matilda was counting to 3 the other day and singing songs. Sera was using her utensils correctly. They each have their own unique qualities. While Matilda seems to be talking more and catches on quickly to words, Sera is confident and more readily to say "hi" to another baby/kid at the playground. They really balance each other with their own strengths. It's an amazing thing to watch.
Words: Matilda repeats almost anything we say now. Whether she remembers it, I don't know. She likes to say "hey" when you take things away from her. She is starting to form phrases such as: all gone, see dog, shoes on. Sera appears to be a little behind with her verbal communications, which doesn't surprise me, knowing our 7 year old was similar when she was young.
Teeth: They both have 4 bottom teeth and 4 top teeth and 2 year molars (all 4) are coming through.
Sleep: Bedtime is between 7 and 7:30 pm. They typically sleep 11.5/12 hours. Sometimes, I'm not sure when they get up--they talk nicely to each other in the morning. Eventually, I hear one of them calling "mommy." Matilda typically gets up once at night (her diaper is soaked and needs to be changed). Luckily, she usually goes back to sleep right away. Nap time is usually around 11:30am (for about 1.5 to 2 hours). They've been napping together pretty well lately.
Looking forward to: Their vocabulary expanding and actually understanding what they are saying.
DE Mom musings: For some reason, I've been thinking lately--I wish we could meet our donor once. Know her name, know what she looks like. I don't have regrets about using an anonymous donor. I think it's more curiosity.
Friday, July 5, 2013
Time - All I Need is Time
As usual, I don't know how my days slip away so quickly. I need to find time to blog, so I don't forget all these precious memories that are being created. Seriously, I admire those who blog at least weekly, and I want to know how you do it! :)
The girls just turned 18 months on July 2nd and I need to write an update, but it won't happen today. I've been busy cleaning house as they nap, and I'm starting to hear one of them stir. Maybe tomorrow...maybe next week...when my oldest is at camp.
Time, please slow down.
Just a quick photo...can you see the love? They melt my heart.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
15 Month Update...A Little Late
Earlier this month, we had the girls 15 month check up. Of course, with everything else in life, I've been playing catch up. So, this is going to be a long post (just warning anyone who is reading!) I'm writing this post for me since I can't seem to organize my thoughts/feelings and the girls' milestones anywhere else.
Eating: One of many milestones achieved this month--NO MORE BOTTLES for the girls! The bedtime bottle was the biggest challenge, but we did it! I say, WE, because it was difficult on me too. I'm going to miss feeding the girls' their bottles, but those bottle feedings are now replaced with snuggles and hugs. Their eating routine consists of breakfast, a snack, lunch, a snack and dinner.
Foods They Like: They love meat (turkey, beef, chicken, ham), fruits (especially strawberries, bananas, oranges, pears, peaches, & grapes), and carbs (wheat bread, blueberry waffles, cheerios are a staple!) Cheese is a favorite too, which they eat a lot of lately. Since the bottles are gone, I've been worried about their calcium intake. They are not as thrilled about milk in their sippy cups, but I can usually get them to drink milk with one or two meals. They prefer water with their meals. They like vegetables, but it's not one of their favorite things to eat. They like the fruit & veggies grain puffs and eggs too. They like to eat what I'm eating (even when spicy) and I will let them try my foods...they are so curious with foods and so willing to try anything.
Foods They Don't: They really are great eaters. They eat better than my 7 year old! I can't think of anything that they absolutely dislike eating. (If they don't like something, it's probably something I don't like--I typically don't make foods that I dislike). Sera does not really like juice, though...at least, not yet.
Favorite Things To Do: They love to listen and dance to music. (Matilda dances on her toes--maybe a ballerina in the future?) They like to play in their pottery barn chairs; they can now move them across the room and flip the chairs over. (thank goodness they are made of foam!) They love to talk to each other in their cribs. They like to hug and kiss their stuffed animals as well as us. They are very affectionate towards us; it just melts my heart. Lately, they seem to like car rides and like when I say, "let's go bye-bye's."
Dislikes: They dislike being hungry and tired. Matilda does not like her poopy diapers. A first happened the other day: I heard her crying in her crib and when I checked on her, she had her sleeper & DIAPER off (which was full of poop). So happy she didn't make a mess with her poop! Unfortunately, they do beat up on each other a bit. Sera likes to pull Matilda's hair and Matilda likes to hit Sera, so who is ever getting the end of the deal is upset. I hate seeing them pick on each other, but I hear from other twin moms that they experience similar experiences. (On the positive end, I do see them hug each other too).
Their Accomplishments: They are walking professionals! :) In fact, they are starting to run. They climb more than I'd like. Matilda has an easier time climbing because she has the extra inch or two over Sera. The climbing might be an accomplishment for them, but it sends me in panic mode when I see them standing on the very top of the couch looking out the window. They have learned to get off the couch without just falling off. They know how to turn on/off electronics and Matilda has managed to enter my password on my iphone and dial a number. Crazy, huh?! I keep calling her the genius of the family. They just started learning to climb the stairs (another scary milestone for this momma). They are learning to use utensils, but I often find it less messy when they don't use them. The now wave their hands 'Hi' and 'Goodbye.' They have changed so much in the past 3 months or so; it's so difficult to keep up with all their accomplishments.
Words: Besides momma, dadda, hi, bye, hey, ouch, boo-boo, eyes, nose, diap (diaper), eat, eggs, cheese, "oh geez" ...and several words I can't quite make out yet. They have their own vocabulary with each other. They talk in their cribs in the morning and after their naps during the day. Matilda definitely talks more than Sera.
Teeth: Sera has 4 bottom teeth and 3 top teeth. Matilda has 2 bottom teeth and 4 top teeth.
Sleep: They are sleeping a little better now that we eliminated bottle feeding during the night. Every now and then they would wake up, and we would give them a small bottle to get them to sleep. Our pediatrician suggested not doing this when they wake up or we'll be doing it for a long time. Instead, we just rub their backs (and usually pick them up for a minute or two) and put them down to sleep. His suggestion seemed to work because we eliminated bottles at night and then they started to sleep through night again. Matilda still wakes in the middle of night at least once, but she goes down after she's reassured that we are there for her. Sera seems to be the better sleeper in general. Occasionally, when Matilda actually sleeps through the night, Sera will get up once (go figure, Murphy's Law right?) They are sleeping better though lately, so I can't complain. They usually wake around 7am, take a nap ~11am (nap about 1.5 hours), and down for the night ~7:30pm. Sometimes, Sera will squeeze another late afternoon nap (~45min - 1 hr). There are those days though where they don't take naps at the same time, which makes for a busy, exhausting day for me.
Looking forward to: Seeing them interact more with each other and using more and more words. I'm looking forward to BOTH of them sleeping consistently through the night.
DE Mom musings: I'm just so grateful for our donor. She helped us create these amazing little girls.
Weight/Height: Sera is 31 inches, 23 lbs 10 oz and Matilda is 32.5 inches, 23 lbs 12 oz. They are so close in weight, but they definitely have a different build. Sera is more petite and has more baby fat to her frame. I love Sera's chunky thighs! Matilda is tall (off the charts) and thin.
Eating: One of many milestones achieved this month--NO MORE BOTTLES for the girls! The bedtime bottle was the biggest challenge, but we did it! I say, WE, because it was difficult on me too. I'm going to miss feeding the girls' their bottles, but those bottle feedings are now replaced with snuggles and hugs. Their eating routine consists of breakfast, a snack, lunch, a snack and dinner.
Foods They Like: They love meat (turkey, beef, chicken, ham), fruits (especially strawberries, bananas, oranges, pears, peaches, & grapes), and carbs (wheat bread, blueberry waffles, cheerios are a staple!) Cheese is a favorite too, which they eat a lot of lately. Since the bottles are gone, I've been worried about their calcium intake. They are not as thrilled about milk in their sippy cups, but I can usually get them to drink milk with one or two meals. They prefer water with their meals. They like vegetables, but it's not one of their favorite things to eat. They like the fruit & veggies grain puffs and eggs too. They like to eat what I'm eating (even when spicy) and I will let them try my foods...they are so curious with foods and so willing to try anything.
Foods They Don't: They really are great eaters. They eat better than my 7 year old! I can't think of anything that they absolutely dislike eating. (If they don't like something, it's probably something I don't like--I typically don't make foods that I dislike). Sera does not really like juice, though...at least, not yet.
Favorite Things To Do: They love to listen and dance to music. (Matilda dances on her toes--maybe a ballerina in the future?) They like to play in their pottery barn chairs; they can now move them across the room and flip the chairs over. (thank goodness they are made of foam!) They love to talk to each other in their cribs. They like to hug and kiss their stuffed animals as well as us. They are very affectionate towards us; it just melts my heart. Lately, they seem to like car rides and like when I say, "let's go bye-bye's."
Dislikes: They dislike being hungry and tired. Matilda does not like her poopy diapers. A first happened the other day: I heard her crying in her crib and when I checked on her, she had her sleeper & DIAPER off (which was full of poop). So happy she didn't make a mess with her poop! Unfortunately, they do beat up on each other a bit. Sera likes to pull Matilda's hair and Matilda likes to hit Sera, so who is ever getting the end of the deal is upset. I hate seeing them pick on each other, but I hear from other twin moms that they experience similar experiences. (On the positive end, I do see them hug each other too).
Their Accomplishments: They are walking professionals! :) In fact, they are starting to run. They climb more than I'd like. Matilda has an easier time climbing because she has the extra inch or two over Sera. The climbing might be an accomplishment for them, but it sends me in panic mode when I see them standing on the very top of the couch looking out the window. They have learned to get off the couch without just falling off. They know how to turn on/off electronics and Matilda has managed to enter my password on my iphone and dial a number. Crazy, huh?! I keep calling her the genius of the family. They just started learning to climb the stairs (another scary milestone for this momma). They are learning to use utensils, but I often find it less messy when they don't use them. The now wave their hands 'Hi' and 'Goodbye.' They have changed so much in the past 3 months or so; it's so difficult to keep up with all their accomplishments.
Words: Besides momma, dadda, hi, bye, hey, ouch, boo-boo, eyes, nose, diap (diaper), eat, eggs, cheese, "oh geez" ...and several words I can't quite make out yet. They have their own vocabulary with each other. They talk in their cribs in the morning and after their naps during the day. Matilda definitely talks more than Sera.
Teeth: Sera has 4 bottom teeth and 3 top teeth. Matilda has 2 bottom teeth and 4 top teeth.
Sleep: They are sleeping a little better now that we eliminated bottle feeding during the night. Every now and then they would wake up, and we would give them a small bottle to get them to sleep. Our pediatrician suggested not doing this when they wake up or we'll be doing it for a long time. Instead, we just rub their backs (and usually pick them up for a minute or two) and put them down to sleep. His suggestion seemed to work because we eliminated bottles at night and then they started to sleep through night again. Matilda still wakes in the middle of night at least once, but she goes down after she's reassured that we are there for her. Sera seems to be the better sleeper in general. Occasionally, when Matilda actually sleeps through the night, Sera will get up once (go figure, Murphy's Law right?) They are sleeping better though lately, so I can't complain. They usually wake around 7am, take a nap ~11am (nap about 1.5 hours), and down for the night ~7:30pm. Sometimes, Sera will squeeze another late afternoon nap (~45min - 1 hr). There are those days though where they don't take naps at the same time, which makes for a busy, exhausting day for me.
Looking forward to: Seeing them interact more with each other and using more and more words. I'm looking forward to BOTH of them sleeping consistently through the night.
DE Mom musings: I'm just so grateful for our donor. She helped us create these amazing little girls.
Note (if you are still reading): This post took me ALL day long to write...between feeding and playing with the girls and painting a room in our home ...I never get a solid block of time to myself (5 minutes here or there). :)
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
The Twins Look Nothing Like You
Those are the words from my 10 year old nephew! This was several months ago during our move. These words were never forgotten. This moment was never forgotten, but truthfully, I really wasn't ready to blog about it. A part of me was really hurt by these words. At the time, I was mad at my nephew for saying it. I knew I needed time to just think it over and in a sense, get over it. Of course, my mind was pre-occupied with our move and just being a mom to my 3 girls.
Unfortunately, I probably will never forget these words from my nephew. (You have to love the "brutally" honest remarks of children...I know my oldest daughter has said a few things that make my jaw drop). My nephew will probably never know how brutal those words were to me, and I'd like to leave it that way. I'm not angry at him. Though the remark has got me wondering. Did my sister-in-law (who shouldn't know we used DE) state something similar around her son or did he come up with the idea on his own? It's not like they see the twins that often...maybe once every 2 or 3 months. Do the girls really look that different from me??? We all have blue eyes. Matilda's hair color matches mine.
I guess, I'm wondering, does our family and our friends think the same? Do they think the twins look nothing like me? Do they talk about "it" amongst themselves? That would bother me and I really hope they aren't engaging in such petty talk (so that's what I call it). Who gives a SH*T who they look like?!? They were built and nurtured inside me and I (we) love them like crazy.
Sometimes, I wish I could have blurted out to my nephew: Yes, I know they don't have my facial features. Yes, we used an egg donor. Yes, they are my children. End of story.
Instead, I just said, "really, you think so?" Wow, real profound, right? I was stunned and hurt. Stunned that someone would actually say that to me (whether it's the truth or not). Hurt because it is true (they will never look like me) and I'm reminded of our painful path of infertility. I moved on that day though because we were literally moving into our new home. I'm glad we were busy.
Looking back, I know it's better I acted like I did. If confronted with the same words again: "The twins look nothing like you," how will I respond? Probably the same way, I'm guessing. I'm not ready to divulge their conception story to everyone I know. As of now, I'm thinking I'll wait for them to be old enough to understand, and they can make that decision on their own whether they want others to know.
Do the words still hurt? Sure they do, but I'd like to think I won't be caught off guard next time. If someone asks about their conception, I'm perfectly happy to say: "None of your business." If someone states something about their looks, so be it. I'm their mother and it really doesn't matter what they look like. After all, I really don't think I look like my biological Mother--I have a lot of my Dad's features.
On a positive note, strangers often come up to me and tell me the girls are beautiful. Can't argue there!
Unfortunately, I probably will never forget these words from my nephew. (You have to love the "brutally" honest remarks of children...I know my oldest daughter has said a few things that make my jaw drop). My nephew will probably never know how brutal those words were to me, and I'd like to leave it that way. I'm not angry at him. Though the remark has got me wondering. Did my sister-in-law (who shouldn't know we used DE) state something similar around her son or did he come up with the idea on his own? It's not like they see the twins that often...maybe once every 2 or 3 months. Do the girls really look that different from me??? We all have blue eyes. Matilda's hair color matches mine.
I guess, I'm wondering, does our family and our friends think the same? Do they think the twins look nothing like me? Do they talk about "it" amongst themselves? That would bother me and I really hope they aren't engaging in such petty talk (so that's what I call it). Who gives a SH*T who they look like?!? They were built and nurtured inside me and I (we) love them like crazy.
Sometimes, I wish I could have blurted out to my nephew: Yes, I know they don't have my facial features. Yes, we used an egg donor. Yes, they are my children. End of story.
Instead, I just said, "really, you think so?" Wow, real profound, right? I was stunned and hurt. Stunned that someone would actually say that to me (whether it's the truth or not). Hurt because it is true (they will never look like me) and I'm reminded of our painful path of infertility. I moved on that day though because we were literally moving into our new home. I'm glad we were busy.
Looking back, I know it's better I acted like I did. If confronted with the same words again: "The twins look nothing like you," how will I respond? Probably the same way, I'm guessing. I'm not ready to divulge their conception story to everyone I know. As of now, I'm thinking I'll wait for them to be old enough to understand, and they can make that decision on their own whether they want others to know.
Do the words still hurt? Sure they do, but I'd like to think I won't be caught off guard next time. If someone asks about their conception, I'm perfectly happy to say: "None of your business." If someone states something about their looks, so be it. I'm their mother and it really doesn't matter what they look like. After all, I really don't think I look like my biological Mother--I have a lot of my Dad's features.
On a positive note, strangers often come up to me and tell me the girls are beautiful. Can't argue there!
Friday, January 18, 2013
One Year Checkup
The girls had their one year check up yesterday. They did AMAZING! I was so proud of them. This was their first visit with a new doctor since we moved. No tears, no screaming until the end of the appointment...the dreaded shots! Three of them!
Weight/Height: My peanut, Sera, weighted 21 lb 2 oz and was 29.5" tall. Matilda weighed 22 lb and was 31.25" tall (97th percentile for height!)
Eating: They love their bottles, but their doctor said they should be weaned from their bottles by 15 months. It will be difficult since I can't get them to drink from a sippy cup yet. They are down to about 4 bottles a day (4/6oz bottles at a time). They have been eating solids at least 4 times a day. They are little snackers. Matilda loves to feed herself and eat what we eat. Sera has had difficulty lately with eating finger food...she stuffs her mouth and I think she expects it to dissolve like her rice puffs.
Foods They Like: They love ground beef and cheese. We tried raisins and peaches (not together) for the first time today and they loved them! They like scrambled eggs, yogurt, waffles and peas.
Foods They Don't: Matilda is past pureed food--she's done with baby food! Sera pretty much eats everything and anything.
Favorite Things: Their big sister--they love playing with her. Big sister loves playing with them more now since they actually "play" now. Grandma bought them PB everywhere chairs for their birthday and they love them. They sit in them, crawl over them and stand on them. They still love music.
Favorite toy: They like their LeapFrog activity table (a birthday gift from a relative).
Dislikes: Bedtime--they never really want to go to bed, especially Matilda. Sera doesn't like laying on her back (probably because she can't flip over yet!) They aren't big fans of sharing yet.
Their Accomplishments: They officially can walk now on their own!!! Sera started taking several steps at their birthday party on January 5th, and she walks like a pro now! Matilda just started walking about 3 days ago. She walked across the room today! They get so happy and clap when they see each other walk. I love seeing them interact!
New words: I think Sera said her big sister's name the other day. Matilda says Ou-ch. Sera points and says That.
Teeth: Sera has 4 teeth (2 bottom, 2 top) now. Matilda looks like she'll have all 4 top teeth come at the same time...they are just poking through now.
Sleep: Sera is starting to sleep through the night again! Usually a good 10 hours but I think Matilda usually wakes her up early. Matilda still wakes up once during the night--I'm thinking part of it is due to teething. However, last night they both went to bed at 8pm, woke at 5:15 for a bottle and back to bed and then woke at 8am. They usually take one morning nap together and the afternoon nap is sometimes staggered between them. Matilda gives up the afternoon nap occasionally.
Looking forward to: watching them grow and interact more with each other. I just love each day with them.
DE Mom musings: I'm so grateful for our donor. Sometimes, I wish I could meet her just once and thank her personally. She has given me the most wonderful gifts.
Weight/Height: My peanut, Sera, weighted 21 lb 2 oz and was 29.5" tall. Matilda weighed 22 lb and was 31.25" tall (97th percentile for height!)
Eating: They love their bottles, but their doctor said they should be weaned from their bottles by 15 months. It will be difficult since I can't get them to drink from a sippy cup yet. They are down to about 4 bottles a day (4/6oz bottles at a time). They have been eating solids at least 4 times a day. They are little snackers. Matilda loves to feed herself and eat what we eat. Sera has had difficulty lately with eating finger food...she stuffs her mouth and I think she expects it to dissolve like her rice puffs.
Foods They Like: They love ground beef and cheese. We tried raisins and peaches (not together) for the first time today and they loved them! They like scrambled eggs, yogurt, waffles and peas.
Foods They Don't: Matilda is past pureed food--she's done with baby food! Sera pretty much eats everything and anything.
Favorite Things: Their big sister--they love playing with her. Big sister loves playing with them more now since they actually "play" now. Grandma bought them PB everywhere chairs for their birthday and they love them. They sit in them, crawl over them and stand on them. They still love music.
Favorite toy: They like their LeapFrog activity table (a birthday gift from a relative).
Dislikes: Bedtime--they never really want to go to bed, especially Matilda. Sera doesn't like laying on her back (probably because she can't flip over yet!) They aren't big fans of sharing yet.
Their Accomplishments: They officially can walk now on their own!!! Sera started taking several steps at their birthday party on January 5th, and she walks like a pro now! Matilda just started walking about 3 days ago. She walked across the room today! They get so happy and clap when they see each other walk. I love seeing them interact!
New words: I think Sera said her big sister's name the other day. Matilda says Ou-ch. Sera points and says That.
Teeth: Sera has 4 teeth (2 bottom, 2 top) now. Matilda looks like she'll have all 4 top teeth come at the same time...they are just poking through now.
Sleep: Sera is starting to sleep through the night again! Usually a good 10 hours but I think Matilda usually wakes her up early. Matilda still wakes up once during the night--I'm thinking part of it is due to teething. However, last night they both went to bed at 8pm, woke at 5:15 for a bottle and back to bed and then woke at 8am. They usually take one morning nap together and the afternoon nap is sometimes staggered between them. Matilda gives up the afternoon nap occasionally.
Looking forward to: watching them grow and interact more with each other. I just love each day with them.
DE Mom musings: I'm so grateful for our donor. Sometimes, I wish I could meet her just once and thank her personally. She has given me the most wonderful gifts.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Happy 1st Birthday!!!
I remember a year ago so clearly. Getting up early (after little sleep) for my planned c-section. The weather was horrible. We made it on time though. Our nurse was late. She was so calm for just driving 2 hours to get there...I liked her already. Her name was Diane (or maybe Diana...ok, the memory is a little fuzzy). She did an amazing job with my IV. Dr.C came in the room to greet us...friendly and happy as usual. I felt like I was in good hands...and I truly was!
We have the girls' birth on video, so I will always remember the sounds, the reactions, and the pure beauty of our newborns. I was so in love from the minute they entered this world, and I feel so truly blessed. I feel like I won the lottery with our girls. They make me smile on my worst days and make the good days even better.
Happy FIRST Birthday to my precious baby girls! You are so loved!
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
A Strange Start to the New Year
It's the eve of our daughters' 1st birthday and guess what arrived this morning!?! The unthinkable has arrived and when you have POI/POF (especially for as long as I have), you really don't think one will actually arrive naturally EVER again. Without taking my Prometrium, my period has arrived!!! My first since 2005!!! (I've been on HRT for so long, my periods come within days of taking Prometrium...no surprises!) However, today was a HUGE surprise. I had some mild cramping last night, but I didn't expect my period.
Questions arise now. Can I actually ovulate on my own? What would cause me to ovulate this past month? Is it possible to ovulate again? I can't help but feel a little excited.
Definitely an interesting start to 2013! On another good note, after 2 weeks of flu symptoms in our household, we are all on the mend. Not too shabby for the start of the year.
Off to party planning for the girls' birthday party this coming Saturday! Can't believe they will be ONE tomorrow!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Questions arise now. Can I actually ovulate on my own? What would cause me to ovulate this past month? Is it possible to ovulate again? I can't help but feel a little excited.
Definitely an interesting start to 2013! On another good note, after 2 weeks of flu symptoms in our household, we are all on the mend. Not too shabby for the start of the year.
Off to party planning for the girls' birthday party this coming Saturday! Can't believe they will be ONE tomorrow!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Thursday, December 6, 2012
11 Months
This update is more for me, so I can remember this stage in their lives. :)
Weight/Height: At 10 months, Sera was weighing 19 lbs even and Matilda was 20 lbs 5 oz. Matilda was an inch taller.
Eating: They eat about 8 oz of solids a day along with 4 bottles (6oz with cereal) each. Also, some finger foods are mixed throughout the day.
Foods They Like: They LOVE sweet potatoes!!! Applesauce and bananas are also faves. We started shredded cheese and ground beef--definitely makes a mess of the kitchen floor! They love baby flavored puffs too.
Foods They Don't: Matilda is not a fan of green foods (i.e. sweet peas and green beans). Sera is not as picky.
Favorite Things: They love to play in the carpeted room because they have room to roam and crawl around. (The rest of house is off limits when it comes to crawling--not baby proof yet. :( ) They like to laugh at their big sister's funny noises and screams. They enjoy playing in their cribs (when they are well-rested and not hungry) and laughing at each other. Chewing on toys, making noises with toys, looking out the window, breaking through our barriers (little stinkers!), electronics, and music.
Favorite toy: They like to play the music button on their horse. When the music plays, they dance. It's so cute to see them excited about music.
Dislikes: They get upset when they can't touch/play with our cell phones, sister's ipod. Of course, they get crabby when tired and hungry.
Their Accomplishments: Sera is starting to balance on her feet with no assistance. She'll try to take a step and fall. Matilda mimics me. I started to teach them sign language and she's doing very well with it. She's been telling me "no" by shaking her head. I wish she didn't learn that so quickly, but she's super cute shaking her head "no." Both girls are crawling and moving fast. They walk around their cribs and other furniture.
First words: Momma and Dada or Dadee (~7 months), Matilda seems a little more advanced with her words or we just understand her better. She says Hi, Diap (for Diaper), Bye. Sera has her own language--she's talking but I have no clue what she is saying.
Teeth: Both of them have two bottom teeth (been there for about a month or two now). Sera's gums just started bleeding this week and I see a top tooth coming through. It looks painful and probably relates to her sleeping issues lately.
Sleep: They were doing great until about two weeks ago. They WERE sleeping at least 10 hours through the night since they were ~4 months. As of lately, they are waking up for an extra bottle during the night and getting up too early (5:30am). The rough part is when they both wake up during the night but at different times. It's like having a newborn again. I'm thinking it's their teeth that are bothering them. Or maybe a growth spurt? Naps are another story as well. They slept fine at my mom's house because they slept in different rooms, but since we've moved, they sleep together in a room. One wakes the other up and they don't always want to sleep at the same time for naps. Sera seems to require more sleep (with naps). They take at least two naps a day. Sometimes together and sometimes schedules are just off.
Looking forward to: More communication and more mobility. I can't wait for the teething pains to be gone. Looking forward to everyday with them--teaching, holding and loving them and enjoying their every milestone.
DE Mom musings: I don't think of our donor much, but I'm very grateful for her. I see so many traits of my husband in our girls, so every now and then, I think if it's not his, it was hers. She must have been an extraordinary baby. :)
Weight/Height: At 10 months, Sera was weighing 19 lbs even and Matilda was 20 lbs 5 oz. Matilda was an inch taller.
Eating: They eat about 8 oz of solids a day along with 4 bottles (6oz with cereal) each. Also, some finger foods are mixed throughout the day.
Foods They Like: They LOVE sweet potatoes!!! Applesauce and bananas are also faves. We started shredded cheese and ground beef--definitely makes a mess of the kitchen floor! They love baby flavored puffs too.
Foods They Don't: Matilda is not a fan of green foods (i.e. sweet peas and green beans). Sera is not as picky.
Favorite Things: They love to play in the carpeted room because they have room to roam and crawl around. (The rest of house is off limits when it comes to crawling--not baby proof yet. :( ) They like to laugh at their big sister's funny noises and screams. They enjoy playing in their cribs (when they are well-rested and not hungry) and laughing at each other. Chewing on toys, making noises with toys, looking out the window, breaking through our barriers (little stinkers!), electronics, and music.
Favorite toy: They like to play the music button on their horse. When the music plays, they dance. It's so cute to see them excited about music.
Dislikes: They get upset when they can't touch/play with our cell phones, sister's ipod. Of course, they get crabby when tired and hungry.
Their Accomplishments: Sera is starting to balance on her feet with no assistance. She'll try to take a step and fall. Matilda mimics me. I started to teach them sign language and she's doing very well with it. She's been telling me "no" by shaking her head. I wish she didn't learn that so quickly, but she's super cute shaking her head "no." Both girls are crawling and moving fast. They walk around their cribs and other furniture.
First words: Momma and Dada or Dadee (~7 months), Matilda seems a little more advanced with her words or we just understand her better. She says Hi, Diap (for Diaper), Bye. Sera has her own language--she's talking but I have no clue what she is saying.
Teeth: Both of them have two bottom teeth (been there for about a month or two now). Sera's gums just started bleeding this week and I see a top tooth coming through. It looks painful and probably relates to her sleeping issues lately.
Sleep: They were doing great until about two weeks ago. They WERE sleeping at least 10 hours through the night since they were ~4 months. As of lately, they are waking up for an extra bottle during the night and getting up too early (5:30am). The rough part is when they both wake up during the night but at different times. It's like having a newborn again. I'm thinking it's their teeth that are bothering them. Or maybe a growth spurt? Naps are another story as well. They slept fine at my mom's house because they slept in different rooms, but since we've moved, they sleep together in a room. One wakes the other up and they don't always want to sleep at the same time for naps. Sera seems to require more sleep (with naps). They take at least two naps a day. Sometimes together and sometimes schedules are just off.
Looking forward to: More communication and more mobility. I can't wait for the teething pains to be gone. Looking forward to everyday with them--teaching, holding and loving them and enjoying their every milestone.
DE Mom musings: I don't think of our donor much, but I'm very grateful for her. I see so many traits of my husband in our girls, so every now and then, I think if it's not his, it was hers. She must have been an extraordinary baby. :)
Friday, November 23, 2012
Truly Thankful
It's been so long...I had to attempt my password three times to log in! So much has happened in the past couple months, and it really makes me sad that I haven't been documenting here lately.
Of course, we are thankful for our beautiful girls and the joy they have brought into our lives. At this time last year, I was huge and uncomfortable, barely able to eat a Thanksgiving meal. This year, we ate as a family of 5 (plus one--my mom joined us) at our NEW home. We fully moved into our new place in September, and we are still working on the house. I have to say we've made tremendous progress on the house even though 2 rooms are still non-livable. DH (with the help of family) has done all the work himself including gutting the kitchen, replacing floors, rebuilding walls, painting the exterior/interior of the house, etc. I have to bite my tongue when friends say how busy they are (off taking vacations) and we are juggling jobs, house stuff, and 3 children. Amazingly, we also lived in the house for the first month without a stove and refrigerator. It hasn't always been easy, but I'm so thankful for what we have and how far we've come. Overcoming obstacles really make you appreciate what you have.
Baby girls and a new home in one year--it doesn't get much better than this!
Of course, we are thankful for our beautiful girls and the joy they have brought into our lives. At this time last year, I was huge and uncomfortable, barely able to eat a Thanksgiving meal. This year, we ate as a family of 5 (plus one--my mom joined us) at our NEW home. We fully moved into our new place in September, and we are still working on the house. I have to say we've made tremendous progress on the house even though 2 rooms are still non-livable. DH (with the help of family) has done all the work himself including gutting the kitchen, replacing floors, rebuilding walls, painting the exterior/interior of the house, etc. I have to bite my tongue when friends say how busy they are (off taking vacations) and we are juggling jobs, house stuff, and 3 children. Amazingly, we also lived in the house for the first month without a stove and refrigerator. It hasn't always been easy, but I'm so thankful for what we have and how far we've come. Overcoming obstacles really make you appreciate what you have.
Baby girls and a new home in one year--it doesn't get much better than this!
Thanksgiving Day 2012
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