Saturday, February 26, 2011

Donor Selected....Here We Go Again!

We did select a donor...about two weeks ago (just haven't had time to blog). We did follow up with our clinic and did get an answer (hopefully, truthful)about the donor I wrote in my last post. As I imagined, it looked to be a scenario where the donor didn't follow up with her parents to find out the medical history of her family. We still have little to go on from her medical history--it's still nearly perfect on paper. So, why choose her anyway:

1. Not knowing her medical history in detail is a little discouraging, but I look at my own family. Cancer was never in my family medical history until my Dad was diagnosed (I was 25 at the time). There's no guarantees--hypothetically, I could have donated my eggs at 23 (if I still had eggs!)and my recipient would never had known that cancer appeared in my family medical history. You just never know.

2. Maybe there's a condition/illness in her medical history--again, there's no guarantees. It's not a sure thing that our potential child will inherit this condition. Just because I have cancer in my family, it did not stop us from trying to have our daughter. Regardless of what our child(ren) has/have, we will love them just the same.

3. When it comes down to it, we want a proven donor who we know can produce quality eggs.

I feel like I sound callous about the donor selection, but I think that's the easiest way for us to go about this part of the process. After all, we wanted an anonymous donor, where we had no connection to her. That's what works for us. I know some couples like to have a connection to their donor and I think that's wonderful (for them). :)

So, where are we now in this process? Waiting, again. Our donor has to go through her physical and lab work now. I'm hoping everything checks out great, and then we can proceed with our cycle.

Keeping our fingers crossed that we can start soon!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Donor Profiles - The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

We heard from our clinic last week; they mailed us two donor profiles to review. Once again, I was little disappointed with only two profiles. Technically, it was only one new donor profile, for we saw the other profile when we went through our last cycle. AND, that donor was not a first or second choice of ours (AND she was not a proven donor).

The Good - The new donor profile we reviewed looked...ummm, perfect. Too good to be true, in my opinion. Her family medical history (which includes her parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts/uncles, & cousins) checked every health condition imaginable as 'none.' These health conditions include everything from acne/migraines to diabetes to cancer--10 pages of health conditions. WOW, impressive! I have never met anyone with a family free of health conditions. Have you?

The Bad - The donor's grandfather died at age 52. Cause of death: ? I'm okay with her grandfather dying at 52, but that's young. There has to be a health condition or even maybe an accident occurred. So, now I'm a little bothered with this new donor profile. I understand if she did not know the cause of his death, for she was probably very young or not even born when the death occurred. However, in my opinion, donors should be honest and thorough in their donor questionnaire. She could ask her parents or her living grandmother what happened to Grandpa.

The Ugly - Knowing she has a grandfather who died at 52 and seeing that her family medical history is perfect, I'm convinced that honesty is lacking in her donor profile. If she wasn't honest about her family medical history, what else on her questionnaire is not entirely true?

So, I thought I was reading into this too much and maybe her grandfather died of a heart attack. A grandfather's heart attack would not stop me from looking at her as a possible donor. When it comes down to family medical history, I just want the truth. I want my child to know what health conditions run in his/her family. This isn't for my sake, but the child's sake. I have cancer in my sucks, but it didn't stop me from trying to have my own children. The fact that the donor profile lacks honesty is making me actually look away from her. Is she hiding something? Is she just trying to sound perfect, so that she can be compensated for her eggs?

What to do next? I'm going to quiz my clinic about her medical history? If the clinic can't get more answers from the donor, I might pass on this donor. All I want is honesty! Why is that so much to ask? I'm also going to ask my clinic what characteristics that we listed for donors are limiting us from other potential donors. It might be a characteristic that we are willing to overlook, so we can have a proven AND HONEST donor.