Those are the words from my 10 year old nephew! This was several months ago during our move. These words were never forgotten. This moment was never forgotten, but truthfully, I really wasn't ready to blog about it. A part of me was really hurt by these words. At the time, I was mad at my nephew for saying it. I knew I needed time to just think it over and in a sense, get over it. Of course, my mind was pre-occupied with our move and just being a mom to my 3 girls.
Unfortunately, I probably will never forget these words from my nephew. (You have to love the "brutally" honest remarks of children...I know my oldest daughter has said a few things that make my jaw drop). My nephew will probably never know how brutal those words were to me, and I'd like to leave it that way. I'm not angry at him. Though the remark has got me wondering. Did my sister-in-law (who shouldn't know we used DE) state something similar around her son or did he come up with the idea on his own? It's not like they see the twins that often...maybe once every 2 or 3 months. Do the girls really look that different from me??? We all have blue eyes. Matilda's hair color matches mine.
I guess, I'm wondering, does our family and our friends think the same? Do they think the twins look nothing like me? Do they talk about "it" amongst themselves? That would bother me and I really hope they aren't engaging in such petty talk (so that's what I call it). Who gives a SH*T who they look like?!? They were built and nurtured inside me and I (we) love them like crazy.
Sometimes, I wish I could have blurted out to my nephew: Yes, I know they don't have my facial features. Yes, we used an egg donor. Yes, they are my children. End of story.
Instead, I just said, "really, you think so?" Wow, real profound, right? I was stunned and hurt. Stunned that someone would actually say that to me (whether it's the truth or not). Hurt because it is true (they will never look like me) and I'm reminded of our painful path of infertility. I moved on that day though because we were literally moving into our new home. I'm glad we were busy.
Looking back, I know it's better I acted like I did. If confronted with the same words again: "The twins look nothing like you," how will I respond? Probably the same way, I'm guessing. I'm not ready to divulge their conception story to everyone I know. As of now, I'm thinking I'll wait for them to be old enough to understand, and they can make that decision on their own whether they want others to know.
Do the words still hurt? Sure they do, but I'd like to think I won't be caught off guard next time. If someone asks about their conception, I'm perfectly happy to say: "None of your business." If someone states something about their looks, so be it. I'm their mother and it really doesn't matter what they look like. After all, I really don't think I look like my biological Mother--I have a lot of my Dad's features.
On a positive note, strangers often come up to me and tell me the girls are beautiful. Can't argue there!