Beta day is almost here! I planned on blogging more during the 2ww (to help make time pass more quickly). However, I've been so busy these past two weeks that I really haven't had the time to blog. This is definitely a good thing. I will admit I've had my share of emotional downs during this 2ww, mainly due to the fact that I'm almost positive this cycle was a bust. I feel just like I felt during my first DE/IVF cycle--absolutely no symptoms. :( I'm definitely more emotional this time around, but I think because I went into this 2nd cycle with a different state of mind. This cycle seemed like a long-shot with less hope!
Cycle #1 was so full of hope and everything seemed to go so smoothly. I was expecting a BFP. Cycle #2 is a different story. Knowing that cycle #1 was unsuccessful made me realize that it's not easy to get pregnant with medical assistance and even a young egg! There are so many variables in this process. Today is 12dp3dt, and I wish there was a sign, a good sign, that is. A HPT would give me the answer today, but if this cycle truly is a bust, seeing a negative today won't make things any easier. Waiting another day gives me an extra day to believe there is slim possibility of a BFP. Afterall, anything is possible.
Sadly, I'm already thinking "what next?" What do I do now that I've gotten another BFN? A part of me wants to give up. Suck it up and deal with the fact that our daughter will be an only child. The other part of me says I have 6 frozen embryos, so let's find a better clinic and use them.
Self #1: But we don't have the money to just be wasting on another failed cycle.
Self #2: Since when do I stop short of my dreams? Let's find a way to have funds.
Self #1: But the PIO injections, the heartaches...do I really want to go through the pain, physically and emotionally?
Self #2: Okay, let's look at adoption.
Self #1: That's even more expensive and can be a very long process.
Self #2: I'm not giving up. I've been pregnant once...why can't it happen again?
Self #1: I'm tired of trying so hard to make it work. When is enough, enough?
Self #2: When I have a baby in my arms.
...not sure who is going to win this battle, but I'm torn. What do we do next?