I've been wanting to write about this in my blog for awhile now. I was afraid if I wrote about it when I first encountered the situation this would be a very angry post. It still makes me irritated, but at this point, I just shake my head at some people.
One day I was helping at my daughter's school in the cafeteria. She was a new student there, so I really wanted to get involved right away and get to know other parents/students. The moms I did meet that day were very welcoming and of course, interested in my twin pregnancy. I got the usual question, "do twins run in your family?" My usual answer: on my husband's side. Then, as an hour or so passed, the one mom said there were twins in the lunch room now. I heard her whisper to the other mom, "there's a story behind them, I'll tell you later." At that point, I thought, "a story?" Little did I expect to hear the "story" she was about to tell us later. From the start, I didn't like the tone, for it sounded like gossip. As we were cleaning up for the day, she proceeded to tell us that the twins' mother had problems getting pregnant, so she used an egg donor. Her words felt like a punch to the gut when she then said, "can you believe someone would do that?" (I blocked the rest of their conversation out...it's like I had a shield up to protect myself from their opinions on donor eggs). As it was, I didn't know what to say and I felt I couldn't say anything. I felt awkward--I didn't want to hear this nor did I care that another mother used an egg donor (it's her business). I wanted to stand up for that mother, though because I'm guessing she went through infertility struggles like the rest of us who have to seek an egg donor. Then, I felt angry. I was angry that this mom who I just met was talking "bad" about using an egg donor. She was so narrow-minded and really had no business talking about another mother's decision to use donor eggs.
This is a good example of why I don't want to tell anyone that we used donor eggs. I still feel it's important for our daughters to know how they were conceived with donor eggs and to know at an early age. If they want to tell others, that's their right, but I am not freely giving out their conception story. People are too judgmental of others and truthfully, I don't want to be a part of the gossip circling the school moms. I feel like a "wuss" about it--I should stand up for the use of donor eggs and the mothers who use them, but I'm just not there yet. It's a private family matter, and I think it should be kept that way--private.