We received our cycle calendar today! I have to admit, I'm really excited about starting another cycle. Not so nervous this time, but I'm sure that will change the day of the transfer and during the two-week wait. It's just great to be moving forward again.
If all goes as planned, our ER is May 3rd and our transfer will either be the 6th or 8th. I do hope our embryos make it to a day-5 transfer. May 8th is Mother's Day. An embryo transfer on Mother's Day seems fitting, especially with a successful transfer/implantion/ultimately, pregnancy. It would definitely be the best Mother's Day gift ever.
Another DE cycle is actually happening. Wow, I'm so excited!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
It Could Be Extraordinary
That was the anwser from "The Book of Answers" by Carol Bolt. I was cleaning out my bookshelf today and came across a book I've had for at least 10 years. I thought 'what the heck, I'll ask it a question.' So, I placed my hand on the book and asked, "Will I get pregnant with my 2nd donor egg cycle?" I thought about the question and opened the book for an answer. To my surprise, the page read: It Could Be Extraordinary.
Of all answers?! The answer I received was quite fitting, though...so I thought. I hope it's a good sign. :)
Of all answers?! The answer I received was quite fitting, though...so I thought. I hope it's a good sign. :)
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Donor Selected....Here We Go Again!
We did select a donor...about two weeks ago (just haven't had time to blog). We did follow up with our clinic and did get an answer (hopefully, truthful)about the donor I wrote in my last post. As I imagined, it looked to be a scenario where the donor didn't follow up with her parents to find out the medical history of her family. We still have little to go on from her medical history--it's still nearly perfect on paper. So, why choose her anyway:
1. Not knowing her medical history in detail is a little discouraging, but I look at my own family. Cancer was never in my family medical history until my Dad was diagnosed (I was 25 at the time). There's no guarantees--hypothetically, I could have donated my eggs at 23 (if I still had eggs!)and my recipient would never had known that cancer appeared in my family medical history. You just never know.
2. Maybe there's a condition/illness in her medical history--again, there's no guarantees. It's not a sure thing that our potential child will inherit this condition. Just because I have cancer in my family, it did not stop us from trying to have our daughter. Regardless of what our child(ren) has/have, we will love them just the same.
3. When it comes down to it, we want a proven donor who we know can produce quality eggs.
I feel like I sound callous about the donor selection, but I think that's the easiest way for us to go about this part of the process. After all, we wanted an anonymous donor, where we had no connection to her. That's what works for us. I know some couples like to have a connection to their donor and I think that's wonderful (for them). :)
So, where are we now in this process? Waiting, again. Our donor has to go through her physical and lab work now. I'm hoping everything checks out great, and then we can proceed with our cycle.
Keeping our fingers crossed that we can start soon!
1. Not knowing her medical history in detail is a little discouraging, but I look at my own family. Cancer was never in my family medical history until my Dad was diagnosed (I was 25 at the time). There's no guarantees--hypothetically, I could have donated my eggs at 23 (if I still had eggs!)and my recipient would never had known that cancer appeared in my family medical history. You just never know.
2. Maybe there's a condition/illness in her medical history--again, there's no guarantees. It's not a sure thing that our potential child will inherit this condition. Just because I have cancer in my family, it did not stop us from trying to have our daughter. Regardless of what our child(ren) has/have, we will love them just the same.
3. When it comes down to it, we want a proven donor who we know can produce quality eggs.
I feel like I sound callous about the donor selection, but I think that's the easiest way for us to go about this part of the process. After all, we wanted an anonymous donor, where we had no connection to her. That's what works for us. I know some couples like to have a connection to their donor and I think that's wonderful (for them). :)
So, where are we now in this process? Waiting, again. Our donor has to go through her physical and lab work now. I'm hoping everything checks out great, and then we can proceed with our cycle.
Keeping our fingers crossed that we can start soon!
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Donor Profiles - The Good, The Bad, The Ugly
We heard from our clinic last week; they mailed us two donor profiles to review. Once again, I was little disappointed with only two profiles. Technically, it was only one new donor profile, for we saw the other profile when we went through our last cycle. AND, that donor was not a first or second choice of ours (AND she was not a proven donor).
The Good - The new donor profile we reviewed looked...ummm, perfect. Too good to be true, in my opinion. Her family medical history (which includes her parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts/uncles, & cousins) checked every health condition imaginable as 'none.' These health conditions include everything from acne/migraines to diabetes to cancer--10 pages of health conditions. WOW, impressive! I have never met anyone with a family free of health conditions. Have you?
The Bad - The donor's grandfather died at age 52. Cause of death: ? I'm okay with her grandfather dying at 52, but that's young. There has to be a health condition or even maybe an accident occurred. So, now I'm a little bothered with this new donor profile. I understand if she did not know the cause of his death, for she was probably very young or not even born when the death occurred. However, in my opinion, donors should be honest and thorough in their donor questionnaire. She could ask her parents or her living grandmother what happened to Grandpa.
The Ugly - Knowing she has a grandfather who died at 52 and seeing that her family medical history is perfect, I'm convinced that honesty is lacking in her donor profile. If she wasn't honest about her family medical history, what else on her questionnaire is not entirely true?
So, I thought I was reading into this too much and maybe her grandfather died of a heart attack. A grandfather's heart attack would not stop me from looking at her as a possible donor. When it comes down to family medical history, I just want the truth. I want my child to know what health conditions run in his/her family. This isn't for my sake, but the child's sake. I have cancer in my family...it sucks, but it didn't stop me from trying to have my own children. The fact that the donor profile lacks honesty is making me actually look away from her. Is she hiding something? Is she just trying to sound perfect, so that she can be compensated for her eggs?
What to do next? I'm going to quiz my clinic about her medical history? If the clinic can't get more answers from the donor, I might pass on this donor. All I want is honesty! Why is that so much to ask? I'm also going to ask my clinic what characteristics that we listed for donors are limiting us from other potential donors. It might be a characteristic that we are willing to overlook, so we can have a proven AND HONEST donor.
The Good - The new donor profile we reviewed looked...ummm, perfect. Too good to be true, in my opinion. Her family medical history (which includes her parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts/uncles, & cousins) checked every health condition imaginable as 'none.' These health conditions include everything from acne/migraines to diabetes to cancer--10 pages of health conditions. WOW, impressive! I have never met anyone with a family free of health conditions. Have you?
The Bad - The donor's grandfather died at age 52. Cause of death: ? I'm okay with her grandfather dying at 52, but that's young. There has to be a health condition or even maybe an accident occurred. So, now I'm a little bothered with this new donor profile. I understand if she did not know the cause of his death, for she was probably very young or not even born when the death occurred. However, in my opinion, donors should be honest and thorough in their donor questionnaire. She could ask her parents or her living grandmother what happened to Grandpa.
The Ugly - Knowing she has a grandfather who died at 52 and seeing that her family medical history is perfect, I'm convinced that honesty is lacking in her donor profile. If she wasn't honest about her family medical history, what else on her questionnaire is not entirely true?
So, I thought I was reading into this too much and maybe her grandfather died of a heart attack. A grandfather's heart attack would not stop me from looking at her as a possible donor. When it comes down to family medical history, I just want the truth. I want my child to know what health conditions run in his/her family. This isn't for my sake, but the child's sake. I have cancer in my family...it sucks, but it didn't stop me from trying to have my own children. The fact that the donor profile lacks honesty is making me actually look away from her. Is she hiding something? Is she just trying to sound perfect, so that she can be compensated for her eggs?
What to do next? I'm going to quiz my clinic about her medical history? If the clinic can't get more answers from the donor, I might pass on this donor. All I want is honesty! Why is that so much to ask? I'm also going to ask my clinic what characteristics that we listed for donors are limiting us from other potential donors. It might be a characteristic that we are willing to overlook, so we can have a proven AND HONEST donor.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Go Away Infertility!
It was 5 years ago yesterday (January 29th) when my little (or should I say the biggest) miracle came into my arms. This infertility stuff has never been easy, and just when you think you've conquered it, you realize it's a part of you forever.
To illustrate my miracle, I'd have to tell my story. I was diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure after stopping birth control. I was on birth control for over 6 years, so there's no telling how long I've had this condition. (Birth control hides pretty much all symptoms of POF). No birth control, no period--that's how it started. Then, came the hot flashes in the middle of the day, night sweats at night. I was feeling more depressed (despite a new "amazing" guy entering my life, who is now my husband). I went to my OB/GYN about the lack of periods, and she ran several tests, which all pointed to POF. Estrogen was basically zero and my FSH was 85. Those in the infertility world understand FSH numbers. At the time of my diagnosis, I was clueless about that number, but after an internet search, I learned very quickly how bad that number is for any woman who wants children. My OB/GYN referred me to a RE doc, and the news continued to get worse. Not only did I have POF, but my ovaries were the size of a woman in her late 40's (I was 28 at the time). My one ovary was barely visible on the ultrasound. Then, I got the talk. If you want children, you'll need to look at other options. I kept thinking 'why me?' I already lost my Dad too early (to evil cancer cells) and was finally rebounding from that year from hell...now POF without the chance to have my own biological child. Yep, at that moment, my life pretty much SUCKED. I was given the possibility of my own child, which is the usual percentage they give every POF woman: 5-10%. First of all, 5% or heck even 10% is a pretty slim chance. Based on my ultrasound, I felt doomed.
Then, I got a glimpse of hope. I went back to my RE office for a follow up, but I had another doctor. He sat down with me to talk, but his tone was very different from the first RE doc. Yes, I still had POF (and now hypothyroidism), but when he looked at the ultrasound images, he said there appears to be a few eggs in your one ovary. A few eggs...that was the best news I've heard since the diagnosis. Afterall, it only takes one egg, right? He still gave me the 5-10% chance of conceiving on my own, but I left that meeting with something that fueled my quest for a child. For once, I began to hope.
I began my HRT, and I did all the things they tell you to do to conceive. I cut caffeine and alcohol from my diet. I ate healthier. I excercised. I began accupuncture depsite my huge fear of needles. With accupuncture, my hope was getting stronger. My doctor (he was an MD) who performed the accupuncture seemed pretty convinced that I could get pregnant. Why? I really don't know. He stuck needles in me and examined my tongue every visit. How could he possibily be confident? The HRT was helping my mood and eliminating my hot flashes, which was a huge relief.
One month later, I saw my OB/GYN for a routine PAP and breast exam. Wow, my breasts feel sensitive. OB/GYN takes a pregnancy test to make sure I'm not pregnant. Really? What is she thinking? Just as I suspected, it was negative.
Two weeks later, my PAP results. Seriously, this can't be happening...it was freaking abnormal! My first abnormal PAP results in my life. I scheduled to see her again for a follow up.
A week later, my HRT-induced period was late! Must be something screwy with my HRT or maybe the stress of the abnormal PAP is causing a late period. Then, it was 7 days late. Ah, what the heck, I'll just take a home pregnancy test for the fun of it. (I am feeling nausea after my run today). Looks negative.
Next day, I still have one more HPT. What do I have to lose? Am I reading this thing right? I check the instructions. I need a second pair of eyes to look at the results window. The results were clear--it was positive! (and yesterday's HPT WAS also positive!)
My OB/GYN and RE doctors were amazed at the news. To this day, they still call my daughter a miracle. I've been told that my story is told in their offices to other women. I hope my story gives other women (not just those with POF but all women facing this rough road of infertility) the spirit of hope.
This infertility pain never seems to go away. Everytime I hear the stories of other women facing the struggles of infertility, tears form in my eyes, for I'm taken back to the place where I was before my daughter. I remember that pain and sadness, and I would never wish it upon my worst enemy. I feel a different kind of pain today, but it ultimately is linked to infertility. How do you tell a now 5-year old that she might not have a brother or sister? 'Why Mommy?' Then, the pain re-visits. Darn you, infertility.
To illustrate my miracle, I'd have to tell my story. I was diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure after stopping birth control. I was on birth control for over 6 years, so there's no telling how long I've had this condition. (Birth control hides pretty much all symptoms of POF). No birth control, no period--that's how it started. Then, came the hot flashes in the middle of the day, night sweats at night. I was feeling more depressed (despite a new "amazing" guy entering my life, who is now my husband). I went to my OB/GYN about the lack of periods, and she ran several tests, which all pointed to POF. Estrogen was basically zero and my FSH was 85. Those in the infertility world understand FSH numbers. At the time of my diagnosis, I was clueless about that number, but after an internet search, I learned very quickly how bad that number is for any woman who wants children. My OB/GYN referred me to a RE doc, and the news continued to get worse. Not only did I have POF, but my ovaries were the size of a woman in her late 40's (I was 28 at the time). My one ovary was barely visible on the ultrasound. Then, I got the talk. If you want children, you'll need to look at other options. I kept thinking 'why me?' I already lost my Dad too early (to evil cancer cells) and was finally rebounding from that year from hell...now POF without the chance to have my own biological child. Yep, at that moment, my life pretty much SUCKED. I was given the possibility of my own child, which is the usual percentage they give every POF woman: 5-10%. First of all, 5% or heck even 10% is a pretty slim chance. Based on my ultrasound, I felt doomed.
Then, I got a glimpse of hope. I went back to my RE office for a follow up, but I had another doctor. He sat down with me to talk, but his tone was very different from the first RE doc. Yes, I still had POF (and now hypothyroidism), but when he looked at the ultrasound images, he said there appears to be a few eggs in your one ovary. A few eggs...that was the best news I've heard since the diagnosis. Afterall, it only takes one egg, right? He still gave me the 5-10% chance of conceiving on my own, but I left that meeting with something that fueled my quest for a child. For once, I began to hope.
I began my HRT, and I did all the things they tell you to do to conceive. I cut caffeine and alcohol from my diet. I ate healthier. I excercised. I began accupuncture depsite my huge fear of needles. With accupuncture, my hope was getting stronger. My doctor (he was an MD) who performed the accupuncture seemed pretty convinced that I could get pregnant. Why? I really don't know. He stuck needles in me and examined my tongue every visit. How could he possibily be confident? The HRT was helping my mood and eliminating my hot flashes, which was a huge relief.
One month later, I saw my OB/GYN for a routine PAP and breast exam. Wow, my breasts feel sensitive. OB/GYN takes a pregnancy test to make sure I'm not pregnant. Really? What is she thinking? Just as I suspected, it was negative.
Two weeks later, my PAP results. Seriously, this can't be happening...it was freaking abnormal! My first abnormal PAP results in my life. I scheduled to see her again for a follow up.
A week later, my HRT-induced period was late! Must be something screwy with my HRT or maybe the stress of the abnormal PAP is causing a late period. Then, it was 7 days late. Ah, what the heck, I'll just take a home pregnancy test for the fun of it. (I am feeling nausea after my run today). Looks negative.
Next day, I still have one more HPT. What do I have to lose? Am I reading this thing right? I check the instructions. I need a second pair of eyes to look at the results window. The results were clear--it was positive! (and yesterday's HPT WAS also positive!)
My OB/GYN and RE doctors were amazed at the news. To this day, they still call my daughter a miracle. I've been told that my story is told in their offices to other women. I hope my story gives other women (not just those with POF but all women facing this rough road of infertility) the spirit of hope.
This infertility pain never seems to go away. Everytime I hear the stories of other women facing the struggles of infertility, tears form in my eyes, for I'm taken back to the place where I was before my daughter. I remember that pain and sadness, and I would never wish it upon my worst enemy. I feel a different kind of pain today, but it ultimately is linked to infertility. How do you tell a now 5-year old that she might not have a brother or sister? 'Why Mommy?' Then, the pain re-visits. Darn you, infertility.
Friday, January 14, 2011
The Waiting Game
I don't like this game...the Waiting Game. I heard from my clinic a couple days ago (after I had to initiate an email, saying nicely "What's going on?") Before this, I hadn't heard from my clinic since November 17th. They were slow on getting back to me when we started this journey last April, but they were not this slow.
The nurse said she was hoping to start things shortly with our cycle, but then stated, "we have a few changes going on." I am not sure if this is a good thing or not. Change. We all know that word can have a negative or a positive affect on our lives. I do know a new doctor (who was the director at another fertility center) has joined my clinic. The good news is that he has a great reputation (from my on-line searches) and his former clinic has performed more donor egg cycles with a very slight better success percentage than my clinic. A part of me is saying, 'Let the clinic smooth out these changes with all the time they need, so my next cycle is perfect and results with a pregnancy.' The other part of me is just plain impatient. This is my last cycle (as far as I'm concerned), and I'm not getting any younger.
I can't wait until this game is over. I never even wanted to play this game...
The nurse said she was hoping to start things shortly with our cycle, but then stated, "we have a few changes going on." I am not sure if this is a good thing or not. Change. We all know that word can have a negative or a positive affect on our lives. I do know a new doctor (who was the director at another fertility center) has joined my clinic. The good news is that he has a great reputation (from my on-line searches) and his former clinic has performed more donor egg cycles with a very slight better success percentage than my clinic. A part of me is saying, 'Let the clinic smooth out these changes with all the time they need, so my next cycle is perfect and results with a pregnancy.' The other part of me is just plain impatient. This is my last cycle (as far as I'm concerned), and I'm not getting any younger.
I can't wait until this game is over. I never even wanted to play this game...
Saturday, January 1, 2011
The New Year Is Here!
2011 came in rather uneventful for us. We visited some family members during the early evening hours and then retreated home to watch a movie, in hopes we might make it up until midnight. We made it until midnight for the New Year kiss! :) We were off to bed shortly after--no champagne, no noise-makers, no confetti, no frills for 2011. Not that we don't like to celebrate a New Year, but I know for me, sometimes it feels like more hype brings on higher expectations. I'm not sure what 2011 holds for us and I always wish for a great new year; however, I want to take one-day-at-a-time and cherish my blessings as they are with me TODAY. Today is a great day, not because it's the first day in 2011, but because I have a wonderful family, supportive friends, and a home full of love. Sounds like a great day to start the New Year.
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