Tuesday, October 26, 2010

What went wrong?

Despite our great transferred embryos and the fact that I've carried a successful pregnancy before, I still wonder 'what went wrong with our cycle?' Thought I'd revisit these thoughts/feelings now that I've got past the BFN reality. Everything seemed to go so well for our cycle. The embryos just didn't implant, it wasn't meant to be. Maybe embryo quality wasn't as stellar as they looked on day 3, seeing that all the remaining embryos arrested before or by day 5. That seems to be the conclusion I keep coming back to. Knowing that our donor was not proven, nor has she ever had a child herself--it's easy to come to that conclusion that egg quality had a role. After all, DH and I produced a healthy baby with his sperm and my bottom-of-the-ovary egg. Who would of thought: I had a better chance at getting pregnant with my POF egg than a healthy 25 year old woman's egg?!? Crazy to think. Just makes me realize more and more what a miracle my daughter truly is.

So, I'm ready to move on to my next cycle. Ready to get pregnant. I feel I've learned so much from my last cycle, and let's hope my wisdom helps with this next cycle. For one, we are definitely going with a PROVEN egg donor, and by proven, I mean, one that has had a successful child herself or her donated eggs have produced a LIVE birth. I think this is so important, especially after seeing what happened with our cycle. By no means am I blaming our donor for our BFN, for every donor has to start somewhere. Our donor did everything she was supposed to do and produced enough eggs for us to even have a cycle. She showed up for her appointments, took her medications, and followed through with her commitment. And, I thank her for that.

Another thing I've learned--do not have the beta test on a significant date (like a wedding anniversary!) Seriously, that was not planned out, but it's definitely how it turned out. Yes, on our 4-year wedding anniversary, we received the official news that our beta was 2 or in other words, a BIG FAT NEGATIVE. Would have been a great anniversary present, but it didn't turn out like the way we would have liked. Knowing that our next cycle will be around January or February, I have to be careful. Daughter's birthday is in January and mine is in February. I will have to plan around these important dates. Seriously, I can't take another BFN, especially on my birthday!

That's all for now...next post: still feeling the PIO injections! (have to remind myself for next post; otherwise, I forget--so much on my mind)

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